57. Embracing Your Unique Magic: Transforming Self-Doubt into Self-Worth with Portia Michele

What if embracing your unique magic could transform your life? Join us on the Human Experience Podcast as we welcome Portia Michele, an exceptional business coach and client experience strategist. In our conversation, Portia bravely opens up about her journey through self-doubt and the pivotal moment involving suicidal ideation that made her reconsider her life's trajectory. We unpack the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, and the power of genuinely loving oneself. Through her personal stories and professional insights, Portia reveals the mindset shifts necessary for profound personal growth.

Discover how affirmations and community can redefine your sense of self-worth. Portia and I discuss the significance of recognizing both personal strengths and weaknesses, and the liberating realization that not all weaknesses need to be overcome independently. We highlight the life-changing impact of positive reinforcement and the value of external validation in fostering a sense of safety and self-actualization. Hear heartfelt anecdotes that underscore the power of simple affirmations and the importance of rooting for others' success without feeling diminished by it.

Navigating dark times and prioritizing self-care take center stage as we explore the impact of job loss on mental health and self-esteem. Portia shares her experiences with societal pressures and the journey of overcoming setbacks through self-reflection and community support. We delve into the crucial balance between managing responsibilities and personal well-being, emphasizing the importance of rest, authenticity, and setting boundaries. As we conclude, we reflect on the ongoing journey of self-actualization and how to stay connected with Portia through her various platforms. Tune in for an enlightening and heartfelt conversation that promises to inspire and empower.

Chapters

• 0:00 Owning Your Self-Worth and Magic
• 8:43 The Power of Affirmation and Community
• 16:53 Navigating Self-Worth Through Dark Times
• 27:03 Prioritizing Self-Care and Authenticity
• 32:48 Prioritizing Self-Care and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to. It's the Human Experience Podcast Hosted by Hazel Brown, a healthcare leader, wife, mom and career coach. If you're big on authenticity, personal development, perseverance and transparency, you're in the right place. Get ready to be uplifted, inspired and empowered as you become fearless in pursuit of the life you desire and deserve. Our goal is to help you level up by creating a safe space to learn and reflect, while listening to transparent stories from our host or successful professionals and business owners who've agreed to share the parts of success that typically gets X'd out on social media, because that's the part you need to see and hear the process. Go ahead and subscribe. You don't want to miss out on these transparent stories and discussions that reveal highs, lows, aha moments and nuggets that'll help you to grow and glow.

Speaker 2: 1:12

Hey, hey, hey. You are now tuned in to the it's the Human Experience podcast. I'm your host, hazel Brown. Today I have Portia Michelle on the podcast. We are going to be talking all things self-worth, overcoming self-doubt and really owning your magic, owning your sauce right, showing up unapologetically. Welcome, portia, welcome, hey, girl.

Speaker 3: 1:34

Hello.

Speaker 2: 1:35

I'm so happy to be here, I'm so happy to have you Listen. I don't do a lot of fluff, I jump right into the podcast. So tell the people who is Portia.

Speaker 3: 1:45

Well, my name is Portia Michelle. On the career side, I am a business coach and client experience strategist. What that means in real life to people is I help people really enjoy their business and actually run a business that they love running. Not just that, they love the clientele that's in it, and I help people create client experiences so people actually get what they paid for. On the personal side, I am a partner, a lover, a nature fiend, currently residing in Las Vegas, living a desert lifestyle for as long as that feels good to do. I am somebody who finds interest in all things really deeply spiritual and really enjoys and believes that every single human has a genius and that the genius that's needed to create the new world that we actually want to live in is living inside of all of us, and I love being a part of helping people unlock that as well, as you know being on a journey of unlocking that genius with the mom.

Speaker 2: 2:44

So I love it, that whole unlocking your potential, owning your magic, listen, and giving the people what they paid for when they got superior, giving the people what they paid for. I am so here for it, and I love that because I feel like it's so true as we're embarking on our journey to fulfillment, self-awareness, self-actualization, all the things. It's so important that people understand that we have the sauce already. We just really need to own it and use it, and so I love that you shared that, and it's so like cliche to say, just like, own your magic, do your thing. Like, like it's super easy. Like, what are some mindset shifts that you had to make to start to own your self-worth? Like, tell us about your self-worth journey.

Speaker 3: 3:37

That's a good question, you know, and and I speak as myself and I'll tell you about what it lives like for me, and then I'll tell you also what it lives like in the world, cause I've been a coach, you know, for over 10 years. At this point I've had thousands of conversations with people about their worth, about their purpose, about what they want to do with their life, about what gets them stuck, like I came from the life coaching space and then moved myself into the business coaching space, so I've heard it on all of the sides, girl, you know, and we're all the same person. We are different, but we are all the same person, like on a root level. And I feel like for me, the conversation around that was so difficult for my brain to conceptualize because it's like own your sauce and it's like what does that mean? Like what do you? How do you do that? Like what are the steps to that?

Speaker 3: 4:29

And I think that as a young person growing up and kind of moving into teenage years, and even in my early twenties, I was on a search for it and you can imagine I never found it. It wasn't really until I stopped looking for it and started just trying to get to know myself and start to go. If there was something of value in me, what would it be? And more than just my value to the world, right, what is it that I actually like about myself? Do I have personality traits that I enjoy? Do I treat people in a way that I'm actually proud of? Personality traits that I enjoy? Do I treat people in a way that I'm actually proud of? You know, is there something interesting about me that I find to be fucking cool, just cool. You know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 5:18

And I think I had a really, really rough experience where I had a terrible suicidal ideation moment where I had, like, left one job that I didn't even want and was really ready to put myself into a place where I would not be in this world over. Left one job that I didn't even want and was really ready to put myself into a place where I would not be in this world over losing a job that I didn't want. That woke me up. That woke me up and it went like, okay, clearly we've got the game wrong. We have been putting our effort and energy into the wrong direction. If there was a right direction, how do we get in it?

Speaker 3: 5:40

Then, of course, I went on the internet, like everybody else does, and it's like self-worth, you know, find yourself, find your purpose. I'm like, okay, well, let me go look. I'm like, what is that? And I was kind of amazed to find that I didn't really have a sense of self-worth at all because I didn't know myself. So I didn't know what there was to worth, to make worthy, to have worth, to attach value to, whatever those words are. I didn't know, I didn't know myself enough one.

Speaker 3: 6:10

And so I think that the first step that people that I took, that I would invite people into, is really getting to know yourself for yourself's sake rather than yourself, for what you produce, for the people, rather than yourself for how you hold space for others. How good of a mother, how good of a daughter, how good of a sister you are. You know what I mean, how good of a human you are first, and then, from there, really allowing myself to see it as a genius, because I think that was also my thing. I was one of the people who was like naturally decent at a bunch of things, because I put my mind to it and I do the thing I know we're going to talk a little bit later about profiling tools. But I am a 2.5 in the human design.

Speaker 3: 6:50

It basically means I'm a natural at things and I didn't know that it's easy for me to pick up something if I put a good amount of effort into it. So I had mastered nothing. I just had lots and lots of different interests and I didn't see my ability to be able to do all of those things as a genius, but it is. And from there it really made it easier for me to start going. Oh, not only do I have worth to myself, not only can I see what's dope about me to me, I can also see what's dope about me in my value and community. But it took me going internal first and then it would make it easier for me to see the external worth. And then from there I was able to help articulate my own value externally to communities and then also externally into like a business setting. But all of that had to come from internal first, and a lot of us try to go the other way around, and I think I did, and that was my hardest part of that journey, I would say.

Speaker 2: 7:47

Yeah, I love your clarity on that because I feel like that external validation versus that internal self-worth is truly a balancing act, right Like we all have that interconnectedness that you talked about to where we truly want to feel relatable to other people. We want to make sure that we feel like we're seen, we're valued, we're heard, we're understood, and so oftentimes you're reaching on the outside to really get that validation from other people to make sure you're on the right track. But it really takes you, like you said, reflecting on who you are as a person, really putting a pulse on what you actually enjoy. I think that's so important and I know that you're big on joy, but I wanted to make sure that we touched on that because of the fact that too many people are considerate of what other people think they're good or not good at and not spending enough time to get a hold of what it is that they're actually good at. What are their strengths, what are their weaknesses, what weaknesses do they actually want to perfect and which ones do they just want to hire somebody to help them with? Right, there's no need to bog yourself down if you're weak in an area when there's someone that could help you in that area, but if it's a weakness that you need to perfect, you absolutely need to do it. So I think it's so important in the way that you spread that across and kind of sharing your journey, and I think that I also wanted to chime in on the fact and not just because I have the flowers and the bloom where you're planted behind me, but I think also, when we think about external validation as a society, we have to do a better job of giving people their flowers while they're here, because how much does this help If I'm saying to you, portia, your authenticity is like 110 and the way that you show up really invites people to just be their authentic self. You give people a space to do that, right, then you're starting to understand.

Speaker 2: 9:35

Wait, I keep hearing this trend. I keep hearing people say that they feel safe around me, so you can quickly identify your magic faster. If people don't hold that in. But oftentimes people feel intimidated by it or they keep it to themselves. Right, they keep the flowers that are yours, they keep it for themselves, even though it costs them nothing other than opening their mouth.

Speaker 2: 9:56

So I feel like both things need to happen more. We need to spend more time in figuring out who we are, what we love, what we don't love, and then other people need to do a better job at not only telling people what they're not good at or what they don't like about something that happened, but also the positives about people, and I feel like that will help to bridge that gap faster. That will help people to create that sense of safeness and self-actualization quicker, right, instead of having to muddle through the mud. When I see your greatness, you see my greatness.

Speaker 2: 10:31

Many times it's very clear, but we keep it to ourselves and I think that we are not doing each other a good service when we do that. So I just wanted to share that point of view, because I feel like we put so much pressure on ourselves. But there's also that external accountability where, when you see someone glowing, let them know they're glowing, let them know they're working in their purpose, because that's going to help them reach the journey, reach the point to where they can own their gifts and their magic. So I just wanted to drop that. I'm going to drop the mic.

Speaker 3: 11:02

But that's. You just said a word and I think, even if we take it a step level, as women, as black women, as women of color, right, you know what I mean I have a good amount of intersectionality to the rainbow on my face. That's queer women, right, like. For myself, it's like All we get told is what's not working and how we don't fit and the critical feedback. You, right now, today, in the power of your tongue, can affirm someone and have that be maybe the one affirmation that they got I remember I used to work in food service for years, years, years, years.

Speaker 3: 11:37

And you will be at a drive through and all day long somebody would be like barely look at you, not even talk to you, kind of like you don't even exist or have something to say. You missed my classic in my dinner. How come? This didn't look, ma'am, you didn't even order that at the window. Or you're just hearing them yell at their kids on the way to the school. And then there would be one person in the day, probably four hours in that would go how are you today? And you would be like, wow sees me. I would cry on my lunch breaks after that.

Speaker 3: 12:01

So one say nice things to people in the drive-thru. Two, I think that there is something of it that you never know how one affirmation, or even just witnessing someone and witnessing someone that they maybe don't see in themselves, you would never know how that could change a person's life and trajectory. I can tell you right now, the only reason why I am a coach is because one person out of the probably 150 people I had coached by that time told me you know, you're really good at this. I've had other ones before, but you do this and this differently and those things actually are pretty unique. You should do more of this. That alone, you know what I mean as somebody who didn't receive a lot of affirmation in those ways, gave me a frame for like, oh, I can value this because it is being valued, and again, I can do the internal work until I'm blue in the face and we all should. But as community, can somebody hear this podcast today and gather around the idea that they're going to affirm somebody in their life?

Speaker 2: 13:01

For sure I love it. I'm so here for it. Right, be a real rooter. It can't be all about you Really root for others and understand that in no way shape or form by you affirming someone or you complimenting someone and you letting someone's light shine bright, sometimes even brighter than you does that take away from your ability to own your magic and your greatness. So I love that. Listen, I'm here for it Real rooters, we need t-shirts.

Speaker 3: 13:30

We are really rooting for you. We're getting shirts.

Speaker 2: 13:33

It's real rooters. And I feel like the real part is so important, right, because there are some shady stuff going on in the world in the sense that people really try to gatekeep, they really try to hold you back, they really try to dim your light only because of how it feels, and I think that that's something that we all have to learn how to overcome. Right, it's not something that we all innately have, because at some point in our lives we've seen somebody get recognized for something, whether in class lives, we've seen somebody get recognized for something, whether in class, and you've thought to yourself I'm smart too, I'm cute too, I'm funny too, right, but over time you have to get over yourself and realize, like them, being congratulated has nothing to do with you not being as great as they are. So I think that it's important that, as people, we learn how to get over that hump faster. And, you know, not take it so personal, not think that, oh my God, because this person is being recognized, that you will not be recognized for something else.

Speaker 2: 14:31

We all have different versions of greatness in terms of what that is for us. And so understanding, because recognizing someone else's life when we talk about strengths and weaknesses earlier. Their strength may be your weakness. So honor their light because maybe they're a part of your community, they're a part of your tribe, your partnership, your collaborations. Because of their light, there's no need to be intimidated Like they're just going to help to sharpen your toolkit, like let's go, hello.

Speaker 3: 14:57

Hello, and I think really in a lot of ways, you know, I have found compassion for gatekeeping people because again you have you know, I've had a lot of clients.

Speaker 3: 15:09

I've had a lot of clients do a lot of different things. Some I agree with, some I don't, some I've had to have for other people that I wouldn't have chose on my own, some I don't, you know. And and when I see people who participate in gatekeeping activities, what it comes down to is a deep seated fear of lack and limitation. You don't believe that there's enough space for you and someone else because you've never seen it. And we get to, as a community and as a society of people, shift that narrative, because the truth of the matter is when I make more space for you, there's more space for me, and when I make more space for myself and include you, there is an abundance of space and of money in the world to be spent and enough resources in the world to be shared and enough clients that you could serve in one year. That should keep you in competition with anyone else ever.

Speaker 3: 15:56

The truth of the matter is a space for all of us, all of us, and, and and you know there's a lot of societal pressure to believe that that is not true, because it keeps you buying more stuff. But if you would like to unleash yourself and free yourself from that experience, believe the real truth, which is that abundance exists in all areas of place. And when somebody else gets recognized, it does. It not only takes nothing from you, it adds to you the space you're in, who are and who you get to be. When somebody else is recognized in your presence, we all feel that feeling inside. What we get to do is overwrite our internal capitalism, overwrite our internal white supremacy and say you know what? Yeah, I'm smart too. Yeah, I'm cute too. Thank goodness she got recognized because somebody going to see it to me. I'm glad I'm going to tell myself you also cute. Like we get to do that. Those are practices to invite ourselves into, but it's a practice because the capitalism is real, yeah for sure, for sure.

Speaker 2: 16:53

Something that I wanted to circle back on is your talk about like suicidal ideation as you lost your job, because when we think about self-worth, a lot of that comes from that external validation based on how we're programmed by society. Right, like, why did they not want me in terms of them letting me go? I remember when I was let go by a job three months after working at the job as an ultrasound tech, I was devastated. I'm like do these not know who I am? Like they done lost their damn mind, letting me go. I was big mad and separate from being big mad, I also was hurt. My esteem was hurt.

Speaker 2: 17:29

All my life I had been great at everything, and so to get to a point where I can't even make it past the probationary period part, I was like what is going on? That took so much self-reflection from the standpoint of understanding that, to be honest, I was supposed to be on bed rest. I literally had had my oldest daughter, who will be 17 this year, like two months before accepting the job. But I listen, I got my bachelor's degree. We's breaking generational curses. I am going to be in the workplace using this degree before I can't find a job, ain't nobody worried about no bed rest? So I had to really reflect on what that was in terms of like, how it happened and why that was happening. Because I needed to focus on my health so that I could actually live. But secondly, from that I want to fast forward to an experience more relatable to the suicidal ideation component, because I remember it being in grad school, working on a double master's degree, and it just being hard. I'm working full time, I am balancing twins at that time that they were probably like 13 months They'll be 12 this year and my oldest daughter, who's like five at that point. And I just remember telling myself like literally, hazel, it'd be okay if God you just let the car drive off the road. At least people will remember me as someone who was always ambitious, someone who was trying.

Speaker 2: 18:49

And I had to reflect on those moments because I started to realize like for me I was more concerned, like working in the ego. Part of it is how would I be remembered? I didn't want to be remembered as giving up because it was hard, and I didn't want to go through the hard either. Let's talk about that. I was over the hardness, like just take me out of it.

Speaker 2: 19:10

But I really want to speak to that because a lot of times our self-worth, whether it's through like suicidal ideation or feeling like you can't do it or being concerned with external validation, it comes from society telling us what we are supposed to do and not supposed to do and our limited view on people's experiences and thinking okay, she has, now I have four degrees.

Speaker 2: 19:30

And you see me now and you're like, oh my gosh, she got four degrees, like she's done this, she's done that, but you don't know the journey, you don't know how hard it was to actually get to point B, right, you don't know how many actual points were between A and B for real. And so I wanted to make sure we sat on that, because I think people spend too much time seeing what people have accomplished and seeing their light and not understanding how much dim and darkness happens between light posts to light posts. And I want to make sure people realize that it is normal to have certain thoughts, but it's, what do you do with it when you're feeling the way that you're feeling? So I wouldn't be doing a good service to the listeners if I didn't circle back on that to ensure that people understand that, life being life, then, and when life lives, what do you do with the cards that you're dealt?

Speaker 3: 20:19

Girl, you know, you just said a word there and I think I'm grateful. I'm so grateful that I had community and that I was resourced, because, it's crazy, I have had as a again as a Pisces placement human. I have a moon in Pisces. Thanks for your listeners to know. If you've got water in your moon placement, you could know that the depths of the depths are playground. So I have always been a person who's at high highs but very low, lows. And I'm a neurodivergent person. I have ADHD, I am dopamine deficient, so the sun naturally shines a little less than others, and these are all things I didn't find out until adulthood. So I'm just living my life as knowing that these are things that I tend to and struggle with.

Speaker 3: 21:07

And I think this last time, this big time there you know what I mean that I was speaking about when I had left the job. I, interestingly enough, very similar I'm driving on the road and I had this thought of like if I just run myself off the side, I don't have to deal with none of this. I could just do that, and that thought alone woke me up and I remembered my little training that they said if ever you have these because I was in a high stress job. They knew they were doing this. To these people they said if ever you have this moment and this is what you do pull over and call this number. I literally it's like muscle memory came in. I pulled over on the side of the freeway and called the little hotline number. It was like I am having this moment. I had never let myself get that far to consider and it jarred me. It was jarring, like it shook me to the core in the sense of all I kept saying over and over again, because you get to that point where, if you've been through so much stuff and your cup gets super duper full and full, full, full, full, full, full full, when you get ready to tip like you're not here, you're really, you know, running on fumes. And so the the clarity of my spirit was so clear.

Speaker 3: 22:17

Who am I if I'm not this person? Cause I had worked for that job. I had been told a million and one times that I was the wrong candidate. I was, you know, hilarious. I always laugh about this. I was always on my final write-up and getting promoted at the same time Probably eight, nine promotions. I'm about to get fired and you're getting promoted at the same time.

Speaker 3: 22:40

I was always like not the best candidate for the job because there was a lot of details that I didn't do great, but my peopling was on points. I made a bunch of money all the time. So they always wanted to promote me because I was, you know. In that case, again, I had a genius that, just because it wasn't externally validated, still was making this company a good amount of value. So even though I couldn't see the genius, they surely were seeing it and making sure that they were getting financial benefit from that genius.

Speaker 3: 23:05

While I'm over here thinking, you know always that I'm not enough, again, companies will do that to you also, because capitalism requires that that little piece of the mental loop is there so that you just keep producing. And I didn't know to get off that race. And when I had that moment, it said well, who am I if I don't have this job? And then I thought to myself you know, again, I don't even really want this job. I never was really great at this job. Who am I in general?

Speaker 3: 23:33

And the moment of incredible darkness was impactful in my life. I think that's the thing I would want people to know is like while you're sitting in it, and it is the saddest point, nothing in life stays the same, so it will shift. It will shift. You get to choose how it does. But you also can use it as a catalyst to tell the truth to yourself. Yeah, the rock bottom is so impactful for the truth that you can tell it to yourself, because once you can tell yourself the truth, you can interrupt the pattern enough to do something different. Most of us don't change, not because we don't desire it, but because we're in a pattern and we don't necessarily notice that it's a pattern. It's just happening and we're just living our life. The rock bottom of rock bottom allowed me to be able to see oh, I got the game messed up. What if I made a different plan? What if something else was available? No, I don't want to get out of the bed, you know. No, no, no. You know.

Speaker 3: 24:33

There were weeks after that, you know, falling into a deep depression. I'm somebody who navigates. You know what I mean Deep depressive moments consistently, and I know that. As about my life, thank goodness to get to 35, you know what I mean. Thank goodness to now have resources. Thank goodness that I put myself in community and I went on a spiritual journey and I made a point to find myself before I found value for anybody else. Thank goodness I used that dark time to do that work.

Speaker 3: 24:57

But had I not had that dark time, I would not be here. I would still be trying to figure out why I wasn't good at a job, but trying to prove to them that I could do it and keeping making them a whole bunch of money and making myself miserable and sick. Because at the time of me getting that suicidal ideation moment, I was a year and a half out of them thinking I had cancer because my whole body had shut down. I was throwing up every single day. I couldn't walk. My right knee was completely out all the time. My left hip was completely out all the time. I was limping around literally. Feet swole up like edema on my ankles. They gave me two weeks off work and all of my symptoms stopped.

Speaker 2: 25:33

Wow, wow. It's like the universe telling you honey, I need you to reset. And I think it's so important we think about the intention behind things. I always say God is too intentional, things are happening for a reason, but, to your point, so many times we're in this cycle that we don't pay attention. So it's taking the time out to figure out. Why is this happening.

Speaker 2: 25:54

I know I'm awesome, I got to be going through this for something. What am I supposed to take away from this? And, to your point of what you said, I don't even want to work here. So like, why am I holding onto it? And many times it's tied to ego. It's tied to like what does this make me feel if I was not wanted? What does this make me feel if I am not here? Like I want to make that decision to leave Don't nobody else tell me to leave, type thing you know for whatever the circumstances are or were.

Speaker 2: 26:25

And I think that it's important that listeners pick that up, because many times we're holding onto things not because we want them, but because we don't want to be forced out. We want to make that decision, but many times God's intentionality and the universe is helping us recognize that it's time to move on, it's time to go. And if you're going to hold on to it and hold on to your future gifts and breakthroughs, not only for yourself, but for the lives of others that you could potentially change, then I'm going to force you out of here, and so we have to recognize what is really going on as you work through those things. And I think I also wanted to circle back in terms of the really parallels to our driving on the road, because I think it's so funny that in that moment, are driving on the road, because I think it's so funny that in that moment it's like I had to shift my mindset to where it's like girl, no, you're not driving off the road. What is wrong with you?

Speaker 2: 27:23

And I think, so many things that people need to recognize in that moment for themselves as you're going through different journeys of darkness or what have you is. Are you doing too much? In that moment, I was doing too much. I was working on two grad school degrees, I had three kids at home. I still worked a full-time job. I was helping one of my best friends plan their wedding and was their matron of honor for their wedding shower. Like it was too much, and then I would always tell people I'm just like really high functioning, I could do all these things. The reality is maybe you can't, maybe you think you can, and the reality, too, separate from that, is maybe you can, but should you right? You shouldn't.

Speaker 3: 28:07

Maybe it's not in your best interest.

Speaker 2: 28:09

Right, exactly Cause you're driving yourself to that space because you're taking on too much. And it's really unnecessary, because the reality is that everything that you do, you have to create priorities for yourself, what are important, what is truly a differentiator and a deal breaker in the things that you're going to be doing, because, to be honest, I'm not even friends with that friend anymore. Let's talk about that Like many times, that other things that you're prioritizing, that you could take off your plate, is really not as important as you think that it is. And what's most important is your health, your wellbeing, that mental grit, to be able to know that you are enough and you're being enough does not come from all of the things that you could pile on your plate. You being enough comes from you being yourself, you being like empty your plate, being empty enough to where your light could actually show, like, how does your light show when your plate is full?

Speaker 3: 29:09

That's a word. That's a word, and I think so many of us trip up into this because we have lived experiences of young people that our only recognition is what we did for others, that our only thing that was affirmed was when we did for others, not when we did for ourselves and not when we believed in ourselves. So we grow up into adult people with this belief system that what I do is who I be, that what I do is who I be, and the truth of the matter is who you be. Who you be is the meat. It then affects what it is that you do.

Speaker 3: 29:47

You will do wrong by yourself, because who you be is off and defined by what you can produce. Again, that's the internalized capitalism really will shoot your mind into thinking that you only exist to perform and produce. And if you have that belief system, without even knowing that you have it, you'll put a thousand things on your plate, because if there's nothing on your plate, then who are you? If there's nothing in your space, then do you even exist? And the truth of the matter is that's what I want all of us, particularly as women of color, to wake up to the knowledge of is that there is an inherent worthiness in here that you've got to discover, because if the external world knows your worth more than you will, all of your decisions will be oriented externally and you will have a shell left afterwards and nothing left to fulfill you if it only exists out there.

Speaker 3: 30:38

And I think it's so important to remember.

Speaker 3: 30:41

You know our ancestors and prayed for the, the blessing of their, their lineage, to to thrive and to rest and to be, you know, enjoy and to receive all of the riches, for the toil that they put literally into the soil, particularly of this country.

Speaker 3: 30:57

If you're listening to this from the United States, the whole universe and God will uproot your life if you are not taking yourself into consideration when they say your highest and best, honey, when I tell you my whole entire life has been unended multiple times because I wasn't considering myself enough, you don't get an award for being the most considerate to everybody else when you don't include yourself in the everybody else and the universe literally will bring you to your knees to remind you because you're going off track. I think that's also something I would love your listeners to hear, and I heard very loudly in what you were saying. Is that these dark moments when you're doing too much right, or these hits that you get are a blessing, it's a benefit, it's a mirror to go. Okay, we God, universe, however you call that energy would love to be in collaboration with getting you back on track to your best good. How can we do that? Let's rebuild from the beginning.

Speaker 2: 31:54

Yes, yes, yes, all of it, yes, listen, I think that I am not a human doer, I am a human being.

Speaker 2: 32:02

It's so important to stand on right Because it is the truth, and I think that when we're growing and we're really trying to get ourselves to a place of fulfillment, just making sure we're using our gifts, it's so easy to fall into being a human doer right, because many times I'm just going to speak for myself.

Speaker 2: 32:24

I enjoy making a difference, I enjoy making an impact, I enjoy just putting a smile on other people's faces, I enjoy helping people believe in themselves, and so sometimes that could come at a disservice for you, because you enjoy it. But how much does the inside of you enjoy it? Like, the inside of you wants some rest. The inside of you is like leave me alone. So I think, when we go back to that self-reflection point, it's important to be able to understand what balance we need in terms of creating that fulfillment and making that impact, but still making sure that you're putting yourself first to your point, still making sure you're filling your cup, still making sure that you're creating a pulse check with yourself every day, every hour if you need to, to see where you're at, and prioritizing you, because that's going to help you as you embrace self-worth and you're able to use your magic, own your gifts and just grow into your highest self.

Speaker 3: 33:23

Yes, and I think also as people, and we're so similar because I used to say years ago when I was younger it's like my favorite drug is helping people. Oh my God, ain't nothing better, ain't nothing better than transforming someone's life, like one little thing that I said allowed them to be inspired. Oh my God, ain't nothing in the world better. And I don't remember I'm trying to remember who it was. It probably was my spiritual godfather or one of my therapists said to me you live for community, but you haven't included yourself in the community, and that's the only issue. It's perfectly okay for you to enjoy creating a difference for other people. You just have to create the same level of difference for yourself as one of the other people. And I was like, oh, that's where I've been missing it.

Speaker 3: 34:06

Because I also think that functioning people right, we don't yet understand the somatic felt experience of our bandwidth being pushed Really, the piece of self-worth. It comes down to a brass tacks on the ground. It's understanding what your bandwidth actually looks like. What it looks like when you're thriving and rested and you show up to the same experience, versus what it looks like when you are exhausted and depleted. Showing up to the same experience. If you can start to feel that dissonance in your body, you'll begin to start to understand where your limit is and when you need rest, because that's the other thing is.

Speaker 3: 34:44

I think we'd be thinking about it. Right, we talk about it conceptually, but how do you do it when it's time? It's those practices that tend to bring me into an understanding of like oh, I've pushed it. Practices that tend to bring me into an understanding of like oh, I've pushed it Because I'm a big thinker, I love a big dream, I love a hat over the fence and I'm going to always push that because I'm ambitious. However, I have to learn what that edge feels like. Otherwise, I'll just keep pushing it and be back in a state of overburden, overwhelm, lack of self-worth again, because you can't really see yourself when you're exhausted.

Speaker 2: 35:18

Listen, I need you guys to go back and rewind that last five minutes, the whole episode, but especially that last part, because how do you show up when you are overworked, overwhelmed, overburdened, versus how you show up when you've gotten the rest that you need? You understand your limits. You create boundaries for yourself based on those limits. It's a different experience, and I think that that is beyond a word, because we have to set that limit for ourselves and we have to reflect on these experiences in order to do it. So, like I am here for it because a hit dog gonna holler and I just hollered because I'm like listen to your therapist. Like that is me.

Speaker 2: 36:04

I've always created community and excluded myself, and it's just recently that I've had to realize that you need support too, though. Like you want to feel seen, heard and loved too. Though that's cute that you're doing it for other people, but who's doing it for you? And what are you going to do differently to include yourself on that experience? Because you're going to show up better for everyone else when you actually show up for yourself first. So I just love that.

Speaker 3: 36:35

And please don't let me come to you as a guru, because when I tell you I'm working it every day we all are.

Speaker 2: 36:42

I think it's so important when we think about the human experience. We are all on a journey Like that finish line is forever moving, we're constantly learning something new about ourselves, and then we have to use that information and apply it to reach our highest self within that day, within that month, within that year. I think there's so many times we talk about self-actualization and we talk about really becoming your best and highest self, as though it's a destination that you arrive at and you stay there, child, please. When you get there, the GPS changes and it's time to go somewhere else. It's time to go somewhere else and you have to decide okay, give me a day or a month or a year, whatever that looks like for you before I go on this new adventure, because what did I learn from getting to this current destination?

Speaker 2: 37:33

I think it's so important that we touch on that also because, if not every time the GPS gives you a new point, you're going to jump to that and you're really not going to be as equipped for your next route, for your next move, for your next goal and life plan if you don't sit in where you are now. Listen, portia, this was a really good conversation and I want to make sure that we're sharing your magic right. I want to make sure the listeners can reach out to you. Where can they find you online?

Speaker 3: 38:01

Oh, this was so good. Every time we have a conversation, it's this good, so I'm glad this podcast was another reflection of that. I would love to stay connected with you and your listeners. You can reach me on Instagram at Portiathecreator. You can now find me on LinkedIn Portia Michelle on LinkedIn because she's expanding her LinkedIn journey, so find me there. I can also say that probably within the next, probably by the time this launches I will also have my YouTube channel, so come find me, portia Michelle, on YouTube. That is launching this week as we speak, so we're in it. Come find me online, come talk to me and tell me what that journey is like for you, because I think that there's not enough of us also talking about these real conversations with each other.

Speaker 2: 38:48

That raw, that unfiltered truth. Listen, go, follow Portia. You will not be upset for doing it. For me, it's always nice when I find bright lights across the world and just finding people who are showing up unapologetically as their self and really holding that container for people to do that same thing. And I think the more that we do that is the more that we actually self-actualize, the more often we're able to become our highest self because of that rawness, that realness, that real, transparent remedy around the human experience. So I'm here for it. Thank you so much for Portia joining the episode today Such a value add.

Speaker 2: 39:30

If you're not already following the podcast, go ahead and scroll up to the top. Hit that follow button, no matter where you're tuning to us from Listen, youtube, audible, all the places, apple, google, all the things. Make sure you're following us. Leave us a comment. We want to know your greatest takeaways. Listen, we're clearly affirmations, so go ahead and leave the comment. Go ahead and rate us five stars, all the things, and I will see you on the next episode five stars, all the things, and I will see you on the next episode.

Speaker 1: 40:01

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