71. Embracing Vulnerability: Navigating Grief, Depression, and Building Resilience Through Connection with Hazel Atkinson-Brown

Grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating the dark corridors of depression can feel like an isolating journey, but what if the key to healing lies in embracing our shared vulnerabilities? I, Hazel Brown, open up about my personal struggles with seasonal depression and the profound grief following my mother's death in 2022. Through candid storytelling, I invite you into the heart of my experiences, emphasizing the necessity of community and connection to break the cycle of isolation and despair. Discover how reaching out to loved ones during low moments can illuminate even the darkest paths, offering a beacon of hope and resilience.

In this heartfelt episode, we explore how resilience isn't a destination but a continuous journey shaped by our environments and the people around us. By cultivating supportive communities that celebrate vulnerability, we can redefine success through small daily victories and personal growth. Together, we'll unpack the complexities of self-worth, often tied to external factors, and learn how to build an authentic sense of identity and purpose. Join the conversation on building a mental toolkit that empowers you to face life's challenges with grace and grit, reminding us all that through connection and openness, we can truly thrive.

Chapters

• 0:00 Resilience and Vulnerability in Mental Health
• 9:31 Building Resilience and Purpose

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to. It's the Human Experience Podcast Hosted by Hazel Brown, a healthcare leader, wife, mom and career coach. If you're big on authenticity, personal development, perseverance and transparency, you're in the right place. Get ready to be uplifted, inspired and empowered as you become fearless in pursuit of the life you desire and deserve. Our goal is to help you level up by creating a safe space to learn and reflect, while listening to transparent stories from our host or successful professionals and business owners who've agreed to share the parts of success that typically gets X'd out on social media, because that's the part you need to see and hear the process. Go ahead and subscribe. You don't want to miss out on these transparent stories and discussions that reveal highs, lows, aha moments and nuggets that'll help you to grow and glow.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to the it's a Human Experience podcast. I'm your host, hazel Brown. Today we're talking about something that hits close to home for too many of us, especially when the days are shorter, the season's colder. Yes, I'm talking about depression, seasonal depression, feeling like you're down alone. It really puts us in a space to where we feel stuck, and I just want to shed some additional awareness. About 5% of people within the US, studies have shown suffers from seasonal depression. I wanted to point it out because the number seems very low, but the symptoms can range from feeling tired, moody, loss of interest in activities that you typically would love, and it's so similar to burnout that it's like you really have to be in the know of why am I feeling like this to better understand whether it's burning or true depression or seasonal depression, just not feeling good. Today is just an off day and I want you to be able to discern between the four. I've personally experienced regular depression, seasonal depression, burnout, just having an off day, and they all do feel a little bit different, and I'll talk about it till I'm blue in the face. It's so important to make sure that you are having that community, those connections, because listen.

Speaker 2: 2:45

When we're feeling low down, just not here, burnt out, depressed, seasonal or regular, off day or not, we have a tendency to want to isolate. I know I do. When I'm not in the mood, no matter what the reasoning is, leave me alone. And the reality is choosing to be in a bubble on your own really just makes symptoms worse. Right, like, come out your little shell, process what's going on, but understand that keeping to yourself long-term but short-term, you can go ahead and close the door, take a nap, stay to yourself for a little while so you can process what you're going through and what you're feeling. But if you see yourself days or weeks, months on out, you're just self isolating yourself from other people. I need you to reach out, I need you to pick up the phone, have a call with your rest, your friend, your family, your neighbor, whatever that looks like for you, so that they can help to lift your spirits and just make sure you're surrounding yourself with people who are going to lift you up. They're going to lift you higher, because it's really those small things, those intentional moments of connection, that really helps us break the cycle of loneliness and allowing us to see like it's not as bad as we feel like it is, we can move on from this. We're not alone on the journey, and that's really cultivating resilience and rediscovering, like your purpose, and realizing that life is so much bigger than us and it's very important for us to find our way and realize that there's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in, and I can say, being more transparent when it comes to my experience in regular depression. If you will, my non-clinical terms It'd be a shame that I'm in healthcare. I'm just going to call it regular depression.

Speaker 2: 4:44

But after losing my mom in 2022, I was on the verge of giving up Emotionally. I just couldn't handle life without her. I literally thought that she was my best friend. I didn't want to take the time to water other friendships because I had her. Listen, I had my mom. So I really had to dig deep and ask myself if I was going to live or live. And I'll say that again I had to ask myself if I was going to live or live because I was alive, I wasn't dead, I wasn't in the ground, I wasn't cremated. I was here but I wasn't living.

Speaker 2: 5:21

And I definitely give myself grace for how I process grief, but there's just such a big difference between living or living and sometimes, when you think about the days, the months, the years that pass by where you're grieving whatever that is for you. You could be grieving a relationship, you could be grieving a career, simply moving child, I just experienced that for the first time. I didn't even know you had to grieve and move. As often as I've moved in the past, I never grieved moving from a city and that's how I know. I really love that city and the people and community that I built in that city. But nonetheless I really wanted to make sure that I shed light on.

Speaker 2: 6:08

Grief does not have to be simply from the loss of someone passing. It can simply be just a change and transition that you're going through, that you have a direct experience with something that you did not think was going to change within that moment. And for me, like specifically going back to my mom, just understanding that I was the happiest I've ever been months and the year previous to her passing. My marriage was great, we traveled, my job was good, my business was growing, my kids were well. I talked to my mom five or six times a week, listen, sometimes two times a day, and losing her just felt like I had lost a big part of my identity. I just had to learn a new meaning of resilience. When I talk about emotional resilience, I talked about that on a previous episode and her passing truly changed the trajectory of my life to where it connected me more to my purpose.

Speaker 2: 7:08

I really started becoming heavily focused on the concept of living. Now to my point before of if I was going to live or I was going to live, and the point of sharing that is for you to take that time to ask yourself are you going to live or are you going to live? In a recent study by the American Psychological Association, they share that over 70% of adults report experiencing significant stress regularly. So you might've heard all my little dirt a little while ago, but this is not an anomaly for me and it really requires resilience and your ability to bounce back so that that could transform you from that life of stress to where you're motivated by the power within you. That hope and resilience is truly like the cornerstone of living, like a purpose-driven life. It's learned behavior that comes through facing and just reframing those challenges.

Speaker 2: 8:10

Like Brene Brown talks a lot about vulnerability, and it's how it's a birthplace for innovation, creativity, change and all the things. And that resilience really comes up to ask yourself like am I brave enough to be vulnerable, like coming out my shell instead of self-isolating myself to where I am not getting help? I'm not getting that connection, I'm not getting that sunlight, you're not able to grow because you're hiding and you're not being vulnerable about what you're currently experiencing. And I will say, before I move on, that you have to make sure you're developing relationships where you could be emotionally vulnerable. I know for me, I sometimes self-isolate because I don't necessarily want to share things with certain people, and what I found is that I had to make sure that I start developing friendships, relationships that allow me to just be my authentic self, that allow me to just say, hey, I'm just not feeling good today, I'm just not with it, I just don't care about anything that I have going on right now I'm not feeling my best. And being around people that allow you to hold space for whatever it is that you're feeling, to just vent and not judge you, really is like winning. People talk about how peace is winning.

Speaker 2: 9:31

Interesting A peace of mind is this shiny object we're all reaching for, right, but separate from peace is the ability to really have people around you, that you don't have to pretend you're good. It's okay to not be okay but separate from that. It's okay to just vent and say what you're saying without being judged or being corrected about what you're saying, because the reality is no one has it figured out. Everyone is trying to figure out who they are, where they're trying to go and every day they're growing into a different person, whether it's for the better or for the worse, and most of the times we're not necessarily the same person we were yesterday, because something happens within the day that kind of pulls you or pushes you in one direction or the other. So it's just so important that we build that community, we create connections that really support us and allows us to be vulnerable, because when we're able to be vulnerable with someone else, that really truly helps you recognize what your true feelings are. And maybe you can't do that with a friend or your spouse or a family member or a coworker, but you can get a therapist so that you can be able to open up and be your authentic self. That way you can see what your ground zero is and you can continue to grow and develop into the person that you know you're deserving of being.

Speaker 2: 11:03

Grit is really a significant predictor in success, and we know we describe success as in whatever it looks like for you. Listen, if you've got up and brush your teeth, especially after depression or when you're going through it. Listen, home, run for you. Today, you done brushed your teeth, you done took your shower. You done got out the house. You done made a phone call. You are just winning all day long.

Speaker 2: 11:26

It's the small things and when you think about success and you think about grit, understanding that even the most talented people, if they cannot move past the obstacles that happen, the setbacks that are taking place, and view them as learning opportunities to push forward, they often end up being further behind than someone who has less natural talent than they do. Because you have to put yourself in a position to where you look at things as I'm going to go ahead and just look at what I learned from this. I'm going to go ahead and view this as an opportunity for growth, and that's what I want you to do. I want you to write down three things that go well for you each day and reinforcing your brain. That child, it's not as bad as you think. It is you sitting here telling me that I didn't do nothing, but actually I relaxed. Maybe the reason I didn't want to do anything is because I needed to take some time to rest. I watched a show and further relaxed. I cleaned up my home and now I feel better. In my home I ordered groceries, I cooked dinner, I picked up my kids, I walked with my kids, I talked with my kids. Listen, whatever you did do your day, you rake the lawn. Those are wins, especially if you've been self-isolating prior to that.

Speaker 2: 13:09

I hear people that talk about how, when they were laid off, they felt like their self-identity had been completely taken away because their self-worth was tied to a job title. Their self-worth could possibly be tied to a relationship, could be tied to the area that they've grown up in. It could be tied to the friendships that they've had. But you have to recognize that that resilience is going to separate you. Who you are at heart really has a lot to do with your purpose and your purpose with hope and resilience. It truly takes you through the tough times. Back to some statistics. Listen, psychology today says that 30% more satisfaction and energy is brought on by people who have a broader sense of purpose by 30%. They have more satisfaction and energy 30%. Listen, on days where my battery is at 70%. That 30% comes in handy.

Speaker 2: 14:15

Guys, I know life, life sometimes and we can talk so much about the things we can do to be our best self, but we have to really take some time to be honest with ourselves, to recognize that we're not going to always feel like we have the energy to do all the things. We're not going to always be in the mood to do what it is that we need to do as opposed to what we want to do. We're not going to always have the motivation to be committed to our goals and when the times come that have you down, it's really important that you anchor to your truth, recognize who you are, give yourself grace, really reflect in that moment Like, how do you feel in that moment? Really pull from moments, from specific memories or moments in your life where you felt fulfilled. I talked about how, before my mom passed, I felt the happiest I had felt in my adult life that I can remember. We were just really living our best life. Listen, we were definitely doing that and you have to really think about being intentional about the things that you were doing in that time that made you feel whole, to make sure that you can recognize what really lights you up, what makes you happy, what makes life worth living, helps us get closer to who we are as people, to where we want to get up and do the things necessary to get us closer to feeling like we are living a life that is aligned to our purpose, so we can actually push forward and carry some value to the life that we're living and take those small actions. That's really going to reinforce our sense of purpose.

Speaker 2: 16:03

How do you stay resilient when everything seems stacked against you? I know for me it was very important to build my mental toolkit, so having strategies that work for me. I want you to build your mental toolkit and have strategies that work for you when life gets tough. I want you to take it a day at a time and remind yourself that resilience isn't a destination. It's a practice that you have to continuously do. Set your day up with small things that you need to do, maybe just two, three things, so you could have some small wins, and if you're feeling like a champion, you could add a few more things there. But that just helps the resilience come easy.

Speaker 2: 16:44

Don't create these long to-do lists that feels like, oh my God, I can't. If you're working on a goal, if you're working on becoming a better person, finding a job, moving, building a friendship, building a relationship, finding communities that align, find two to three action items that you need to do on that given day and do it. Take the first step. Do it If you're simply trying to get out of feeling, of feeling like you are holding onto that burden, that heaviness, not knowing if you're burnt out, just having a bad day, suffering from depression. Just take some time to yourself to be still and really get into the hearts of how you're feeling and once you do that, phone a friend, someone you trust, and say, hey, how are you? Give me a joke and tell me something funny and go from there and just simply pulling yourself out of the situation and recognizing that you create your life.

Speaker 2: 17:51

Even when we feel bummed, we feel burnt out and we want to know how we're going to rediscover who we are. We have to understand that we have to take that first step. We can't wait for life to straighten things out for us. We have to be intentional about how we go about our day and the thoughts we create to be able to live the life we're deserving of living. I am rooting for you and with rooting for you, I'm going to encourage you to take a step back, see what parts of your life you want to realign with your values.

Speaker 2: 18:28

When your values align with the life that you're living and what matters the most to you, then resilience becomes like a natural part of bouncing back from all of the things all of the hard things, the challenges, the obstacles because even in those hard times, you're ready to get back to the life that you once loved. Yesterday, a week ago, two months ago, a year ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, whatever that looks like for you. But remember, time is not promised, so we can't keep waiting to bounce back. We have to make a decision to reflect and use today as a starting point for cultivating resilience. Have that hope and knowing that you've got to believe in yourself. Tap into the version of you that goes after the things, that does the things, that commits to what they say they're going to do, admits to what they say they're going to do, that level of self-respect to understand that if I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it because I owe it to myself to respect the future me, to respect the growth that I want to see in my life and to live the life that feels right to me. It's really more than just balancing back. It's about using these challenges to become better versions of ourselves. So ask yourself what's one small action you could take today so that your future self will thank you for it.

Speaker 2: 19:51

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Speaker 1: 20:30

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