89. Feeling Stuck? Before You Give Up, Listen to This: Setbacks = Setup

So many of us mistake silence, delay, or resistance as failure — but what if those “dips” are actually divine preparation? Hazel and Quiy unpack what it means to stay obedient without clarity, why writing and intention-setting matter, and how to keep moving when fear and self-doubt show up.

🎙️ In this episode, you’ll discover:

• How to know when a setback is setting you up for purpose
• Why the valley comes before the mountaintop
• The role of divine timing in seasons of waiting
• How writing builds clarity and momentum when you feel stuck

💡 Listen if you’ve been:

• Wondering why your progress feels slow
• Questioning if you’re on the right path
• Battling self-doubt or silence in a waiting season

👉 If this resonated, don’t miss these episodes:

• Ep. 74: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
• Ep. 78: Breaking Through Self-Doubt
• Ep. 80: This Is Where Growth Happens

🎧 Listen now — your next chapter is already unfolding.

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast
Welcome to the Fit, Healthy and Happy Podcast hosted by Josh and Kyle from Colossus...

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Chapters

• 11:44 [Ad] Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast
• 12:27 (Cont.) 89. Feeling Stuck? Before You Give Up, Listen to This: Setbacks = Setup

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

this massive high, to like this dip, because that didn't just take a dip in the finances, that took a dip in the morale, that takes a dip in the momentum, it takes a dip. We oftentimes just look at it one dimensional, but life is 3D, you know, and so anything that you do not just you're, not just a 3D person, the lessons, everything is three dimensional.

Speaker 3: 0:19

So when you're doing something, don't just look at this one thing that it affected. It affected something else in your life, whether you see it right away or not. Welcome to it's the Human Experience Podcast Hosted by Hazel Brown, a healthcare leader, wife, mom and career coach. If you're big on authenticity, personal development, perseverance and transparency, you're in the right place. Get ready to be uplifted, inspired and empowered as you become fearless in pursuit of the life you desire and deserve. Go ahead and subscribe. You don't want to miss out on these transparent stories and discussions that reveal highs, lows, aha moments and nuggets that'll help you to grow and glow.

Speaker 2: 1:08

Hey, hey, hey. You are now tuned in to the it's the Human Experience podcast. I'm your host, hazel Brown. Today we have Kai. We are going to be going into all of the things when it comes to personal development, betting on yourself, the journey and just making sure we take up space. Kai, welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:25

It's a pleasure, Hazel. Thanks for having me. I'm super excited.

Speaker 2: 1:27

Yeah, absolutely Listen. We're going to jump right into the podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:30

Okay.

Speaker 2: 1:31

So who is Kai?

Speaker 1: 1:32

Oh man, that's a loaded question, right, Especially all the years of development and things like that. I feel like it changes like every three or four years, but right now, in this season, kai is a community driven storyteller and brand builder, and so I just found myself in a space where I'm super passionate about delving into the stories of individuals, whether they have a business, whether they have a personal brand, and helping their story shine, you know, through all that fog, through all that cloud, all that haze.

Speaker 2: 2:00

Nice. How did you get to that space?

Speaker 1: 2:02

It's been a long journey. So I've been a videographer. I started out as a videographer, I should say, eight years ago, right out of college. I picked up a camera solely before the interest of doing a podcast. I had my first podcast. It was an Instagram-only podcast called Talented Tuesdays back in 2016. And I started it based off of a show from a frat brother of mine called woke Wednesdays, and he put me on.

Speaker 1: 2:27

So shout out, hurston Right. And um, I'm like, yeah, that's pretty cool, I want to do that. I want to interview a bunch of creatives. And next thing, I know, like I had this camera and I'm like I'm only using it once a week. What else can I do with it? And at the time I was living in Miami, Florida. So I'm like, yo, it's all this beauty around here, I just want to capture things.

Speaker 1: 2:45

I started doing photography, learned that did not like photography as much. I like, you know, capturing moments and not necessarily a singular moment. Uh, and so that's when I started doing videography and I was working at a university, um, and I was 22 years old, so I blended in. Well, uh, you know, build some good relationship with the students. And next thing, I know I blended in well, you know, built some good relationship with the students. And next thing, I know I'm shooting music videos. So from like 2017 to about 2020, I'm shooting a lot of music videos for a lot of different artists from Miami and then in the Atlanta space. Then I transitioned to weddings. I started doing weddings, getting booked for those, and then I got more deep into podcast production, where I had my own podcast but it was audio only. And then I got my first client, harley, initiated podcast and started producing for them. And that's when I got into the space of storytelling podcast, documentaries, short films, trailers, and that's kind of like where my journey has transcended now.

Speaker 2: 3:43

I love it. What I hear in your journey is being willing to just put yourself out there and seeing what I can do with what I have in my hand and then, from there, figuring out what works for you. Like I heard you say one time from Miami, I went to Berry University. I grew up in South Florida, but I heard you say that I started taking photography. I started doing photography I wouldn't say taking it Right and then you started recognizing that you want to go deeper. You want to be able to capture more of the process and more of the things that flow, instead of just like the still moments and it sounds like. Then you went deeper and you're like I want to be a part of like the weddings and the critical life moments. And then you went deeper and you're like I want to do podcasting because I get to hear more of the story and capture it.

Speaker 2: 4:24

So I love that. Not only are you going at different levels and you're growing within your craft, but you're also able to see, through the journey, what you're good at and take what you love and you're good at. And people need to be able to get to a space where you're doing what makes sense and from somebody on the outside looking in, they'll hear what you're doing and they'll say man, kai's over there doing that. I want to jump straight to that. But they won't understand all the background and all the tools that you've developed over the years to get you to do so well in what you do. I love that. You captured kind of how it happened linearly, but when you talk deeply in terms of how that actually happens, it really looks different. So I love that.

Speaker 1: 5:02

Yeah, and you got to start by doing. Like, naturally, our brains work best by doing, and a lot of times we talk about doing things and we say, oh, I wish I could do this. And we start doing all the planning and at some point you have to stop planning and you just have to start executing, because you're not going to have everything figured out. Naturally, our brains, as a like a survival mechanism, we want to think about the things that will go wrong, so that we can kind of have a solution for the problem ahead of time, when that problem may not even exist in real life. So you have to do it and that's how you really learn, and I'm just so thankful that that was a part of my journey, that I was really submissive to and just doing the thing instead of saying, well, the camera's expensive, what if I don't make any money back on the camera? Or you know, what if people don't like my music videos? Or what if people don't like my weddings? Like just doing it and just seeing what happens after that. The aha moment was that my life, or my creative life, has always resulted back to the stories and learning that the stories are what actually resonate with the audience. You know we can I have a business podcast. The podcast that I was, you know, wasn't necessarily business, it was like relationships and then other podcasts of different industries and niches. But at the end of the day, those stories are what bring them together to connect with the audience. That's intended for that show.

Speaker 1: 6:21

I started to notice that that was a trend because when I started doing music videos I was like different. You know, I I never wanted to focus on, let's just make a flashy music video. I'm sitting down with the artists and I listened to the song with them and I'm trying to pick apart like what were you going through when you made this song? Like what message were you trying to convey? And like what story can we tell? So my music videos oftentimes were like short films and even when it was like a, a song that wasn't about nothing, oftentimes I either found myself not wanting to work with that artist or trying to make something out of nothing. Right, like, oh, the story is about nothing, but this video is going to be about something.

Speaker 2: 7:00

You know, like we're going to make it about something regardless, it's going to tell a story, Right?

Speaker 1: 7:04

So just I think that was God planted that seed on me earlier on, just saying like hey, storytelling, focus on the stories, focus on the people, focus on the resonations, focus on the community building. And just doing these things later on Now I'm like that's why I was doing that 2017, 2018, 2019.

Speaker 2: 7:24

I think what you just shared just really brings up how it's in the doing that clarity comes. I think sometimes people get still for clarity, which is important, but they don't recognize that within the doing, that within itself helps provide you the downloads and the clarity that you need to figure out what you should do more of and what you should do less of.

Speaker 1: 7:45

It's just like water, right? If water was still, it gets all muddied up and bacteria starts to grow. But water has to flow through a stream. It has to flow through those rocks. That's how you purify the water, and so that's how it gets more clear and you get that clarity. So life is just like water you have to be moving.

Speaker 2: 8:02

Yeah, so we're going to dive into some questions, right? How do you measure growth in your own life, like, especially when you're feeling like nothing is progressing?

Speaker 1: 8:14

Growth is. It's messy Right, and whenever I get to a point in my life where I feel super uncomfortable, to me that's like OK, you're. You're uncomfortable because you're shedding off an old layer and you're getting ready to grow into a new one. So that's, that's the first sign of growth. The second one is when you start to have done something over and over again, and each time it gets easier because you were intentional and you're creating processes and systems for it, which is again why it's so important to do, because as you're doing it, you're doing it better. Each time it's like OK, this is, I didn't have this email sequence before. Now I can set up this email sequence, so now I can spend less time responding to emails. I can just hit the schedule and then things are flowing the way that I need them to flow, or whatever that may look like. Processes and systems, I think, are a huge part of growth and development as well.

Speaker 2: 9:04

What makes me good is that I understand the back ends of things and it's like wow, like I was growing all along when it felt like it was slow, but now I have the tools that I need to be successful in this. So it's like a big reminder that growth doesn't always look the way we think it should look, but we're still growing.

Speaker 1: 9:21

I was looking at this meme. It was a bunch of like pebbles that were rolling down a hill, and along that hill there was a ditch, and so you can imagine these pebbles rolling down this hill and they're falling into this ditch. Right, that's all the failure. And then eventually, those pebbles start to fill that ditch to where, finally, one pebbles break through, and then that's where the success comes. And so, again it's though it's the the law of averages. You have to just keep doing and eventually, like you said, it's going to break through to where now it's just easy and it just flows, and now you can just roll down this hill effortlessly.

Speaker 2: 9:54

Any human being that you see there are dips before that next uphill of success and a lot of people give up in that down thinking it's not for them, and we don't recognize that we are getting prepared for our next level, to your point. We're shedding some of that skin and that's how you know you're doing the right thing, because you're still the same person. You still have the same muscle, the same strength. In fact, you've grown, so you're definitely going to be prepared for that next level, so you just have to trust it.

Speaker 1: 10:30

And that down is like it's necessary, because a lot of people will will associate the down with only failure or will associate the down with like bad. But the down can also resemble a phase where you're going through some type of process or learning. It has to go down. If you're learning something new, it has to go down because you're starting from ground zero. Right, it's just like a baby, like they're. They're developing, they're developing and they're crawling. And then there's this huge high because now they're really comfortable with crawling. But once they put their feet flat and they try to stand up, it goes down because now they're learning a new process. The crawling never went anywhere. They can still crawl. If they went back to crawling, you're just going to see this big spike up. But where are we really going from there?

Speaker 2: 11:06

Like we have to learn how to take that next step and in that next step, we're going to have to go down to the basement, you know, to learn and get back into the lab. I think on episode 77 or 78, I talk a lot about how, as humans, we try to skip crawling and we try to go straight to walking.

Speaker 2: 11:22

And how can we hold ourselves up in terms of our bearings If we never learned how to crawl, like when we fall, we wouldn't know how to crawl on the ground. We'd be flat on our face.

Speaker 1: 11:31

You know that our hands need to go first.

Speaker 2: 11:35

So, so good. When you feel overwhelmed by your goals and the weight of, like, the expectations, like, how do you change your approach to stay aligned to your true purpose?

Speaker 1: 12:15

Yeah, usually when I get overwhelmed is because I'm moving too fast, and so that's that's the moment we talked about being still.

Speaker 1: 12:22

That's the moment where you have to kind of lock in and be still and receive the downloads, because sometimes we'll receive a download and we'll start moving and we move faster than that download was expected for us to go.

Speaker 1: 12:34

So we just need to slow down a little bit, and oftentimes for me it just looks like, you know, taking a week, taking a few days where I'm not doing certain things and I'm doing different activities, like, ok, this is going to be the week where I go out of town and I might go for a couple of hikes, or I'll be out in nature, or I'll spend some time with some family that I haven't seen in a long time. I may spend a few days not working and just calling some people I haven't spoken to in a long time, reading a book that I might need a reminder on, or reading a new book, and then always, always, always, spending time with my family at home my wife and my son is always going to be a great reset for me to restart. Reset when I'm feeling overwhelmed, because that's my opportunity to not talk about business, not worry about business, and it's the perfect reason to say no.

Speaker 2: 13:22

I love that, like you're sharing how that journey has helped you recognize where your priorities lie and what really grounds you.

Speaker 1: 13:30

I'm always checking in the background, but the foreground is forever my family.

Speaker 2: 13:34

In the same way you would watch your child grow and not rush for them to walk, though you're excited when they do give yourself that same grace and understand that it's just a part of the journey.

Speaker 1: 13:44

That's a great point. You definitely don't want to when you try to rush yourself, because a lot of times we'll rush our growth when you try to rush your own growth. That's usually when those minor setbacks turn into big setbacks. Perfect example one of my clients that I was working with. I first started working with them as a sales rep for one of their products, which was a real estate product, and they were just super excited because we were making some big progress, making some really good money, and it it was easy to see like this is what we need to do. This is the next level we need to take.

Speaker 1: 14:17

We need to start hiring more people, and I remember us hiring like five, five people at one time and I was like, man you sure we want to hire five, maybe just like one other person or a second person.

Speaker 1: 14:29

And we went and hired five and within three months, because those, like four of the five, wasn't making any money for themselves or for the business, they were probably out of there within like three, five months, three to five months. And so now we went from this massive high to like this dip, because that didn't just take a dip in the finances, that took a dip in the morale that takes a dip, in the momentum it takes a dip. We oftentimes just look at it one dimensional, but life is 3dD, you know, and so anything that you do not just you're not just a 3D person, the lessons, everything is three dimensional. So when you're doing something, don't just look at this one thing, that it affected. It affected something else in your life, whether you see it right away or not. You just have to kind of look and be cognizant, like, ok, what else is this going to affect?

Speaker 2: 15:23

Because it most likely affected two to three other things in your life. Yeah, many times we're ready to go to the next, without even sitting in what just happened, what we need to pull away from that, and then celebrating some of those good successes too is also important, and I pointed out because a lot of us don't. We're just like OK, check, we're done.

Speaker 1: 15:35

And you know they say success, love speed, but that's not literally what they meant when they say you should move fast. When they say success, love speed, we're talking about the decision making process, because oftentimes we're just sitting here dwelling in our thoughts and we don't make any decisions, and sometimes you just need to make that decision to go. Not necessarily move super fast, like oh, I need to hire this person, hire that person, do this, fire this. Not necessarily move super fast, like oh, I need to hire this person, hire that person, do this, fire this. Like move at a steady pace, but move quickly and intentionally.

Speaker 2: 16:02

Yeah, like you don't need any more information. You got everything that you need.

Speaker 3: 16:06

It's time to execute. It's time to execute, yeah absolutely All right.

Speaker 2: 16:10

Awesome. What's one moment where you realized that the person holding you back wasn't the world around you, but it was you.

Speaker 1: 16:18

Perfect example Uh, 2020, uh, when I made the decision to bring my podcast to the video world, to YouTube, um, and actually not even 2020, it was 2022. Um, 2018,. I started my podcast based off of as a book review, and it was very like limited limited minded, because I had just released a book as a self-published author. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna start a podcast just to talk about the book, not knowing the power of what I had and what I was trying to build. And so that was one example. But the second example was just because I wanted everything to be easy. It was easier to pull out my laptop and a microphone and record. It was easy to kind of go off the whim and talk about this topic for 20 minutes. It was easy to not have any guests. It was easy to not have to do much editing. It was easy to do all these things until I've realized that, yes, these are easy, but it's causing me more hardship in the long run.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Once I got on YouTube in 2022 of February, everything started to change. The quality of guests that I started to have started changing. The monetization piece kicked in, not just from a YouTube perspective, but we started developing products for both the guests and for our audience. We started to get more recognition outside of YouTube. I started running in people who were starting to familiarize my face from clips or from long form videos. The impact was much bigger. Um, and just based on my audience, I didn't know like the audience I was looking for. Not too many of them were listening to podcasts, they were watching this information, and so I was holding myself back that whole time for those four years, just wanting to do what was easy.

Speaker 1: 18:00

And going back to what I said again earlier is like I knew growth came when things got difficult, when I started to get uncomfortable. That's when growth was starting to kick in. But if you don't have any discomfort, if you feel uncomfortable all the time, there's no growth, because you're not shedding anything. You're just kind of sitting there embellishing and, like you're the, the, the old heads that we talk about, that always come back to the college or to their high school to relive their glory days and then they'll be there for homecomings all the way through like 10, 11 o'clock, because deep down inside they really don't want to go back to the reality in which they're running from. You know they look for that one to two times a year to relive those moments where they had that huge success. Quote, unquote, right. But then we try to shy away from addressing the reality in which we are, that we've allowed ourselves to be comfortable for way too long.

Speaker 2: 18:57

We have to make decisions with the information that we get along the journey to really help us up level. I love that For someone who feels like they're lost on their way. What advice do you have for them to get back on path?

Speaker 1: 19:12

Go to God Like that's always going to be your North Star, right? It's like center yourself, have those conversations and when we say go to God, a lot of times that can be confusing for some people who don't have a prior relationship to God. But going to God looks like you going within yourself, because God is in all of us. And so you have to look at your life and you have to look at what's worked, what hasn't worked, what moves me, what triggers me. If I had to wake up every single day and do the same thing with a smile on my face, what does that look like? And God will start showing us and revealing those answers. And we just have to be real and honest with ourselves.

Speaker 1: 19:54

If you have to, if you're feeling lost, take a few days. This is not a one-day thing. This is not a overnight process. This is going to be a process. But take a few days. Put yourself in an environment you're not used to. I like to always put myself in nature, because nature is also of god. So I like to go on hikes, I like to go for long walks, um in an area that I'm not familiar with, and just look at the things around me and it's so interesting. Next thing, you know, you just start having these wandering thoughts Like what if I was to do that? I should try that. You know I really enjoy doing X, y, z. Those are the downloads that we're looking for.

Speaker 2: 20:32

Yeah, absolutely. It's so good that you say that, because I remember earlier this year I went to a wellness center in Las Vegas Desert Wellness Center. Shout out for them. Within that experience, they had like a 3D type experience that you put on these glasses. I forgot the actual name for it, I really don't remember what it's called, but I'll say this it really fast tracks your ability to relax and for me, that's important because in order for me to relax on a day-to-day basis, it is it's going out in nature, turning on my gospel music, lighting a candle or something to that effect.

Speaker 2: 21:13

Able to quickly visualize myself. It was 15 minutes laying down in water and people were coming up to the water watching me and I'm like, what does this mean? And then the next moment I was sitting in a chair just listening to birds chirp, and then the next moment I was looking at the mountains around me and it was kind of a reminder these are the things that provide peace, these are the things that you actually enjoy in real life. You need to do more of that. You don't need to necessarily come in for a session to have an animated version of that happen, but it's like a reminder that these are the things that make you feel whole.

Speaker 1: 21:52

Definitely you got to put yourself in those environments that make you feel whole again.

Speaker 2: 21:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:57

It's definitely, that's definitely the key to all of this and trying to remove stress as much as possible, because stress is another factor that keeps us in this constant state of fight or flight, and when you're thinking about fight or flight, you're not thinking about thriving. Yeah you're not thinking about the things that you enjoy. You're thinking about the things you need to do, the things you have to do, not the things that you want to do that fill your cup.

Speaker 2: 22:20

Yeah, what's one thing that you wish that you would have learned earlier.

Speaker 1: 22:26

That's a great question. One thing I wish I would have learned earlier was the revolution of digital age that we're in and how to captivate audiences. Um, I would have started much sooner than, you know, 2022. You know, even though I was like doing music videos and stuff like that, I really didn't fully understand the power of digital content and the evergreen power that it has. Like, once you put it out, it is there and it is constantly attracting the audience. And so therefore, if you understand, is constantly out there, constantly attracting an audience. Now, there has to be some type of intention, because if we're not intentional, then we're putting stuff out there and it's like uncooked spaghetti it's just falling right off. You know, it's not sticking into any wall.

Speaker 2: 23:19

Yeah, I think what comes up for me is like how do you decide how to drown out external noise, Whether it be that people are saying, oh my gosh, Kyle, you're so great you could be doing X, Y, Z, or oh my gosh, Kyle, you're doing way too much Like. How do you center yourself to be able to recognize like no, this is my pace, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and know the discernment over your life as it relates to when to run the ball and when to walk the ball.

Speaker 1: 23:48

Yeah, I think for me, this hot take is you drown out all external noise and you soak up data. Data is the information we're really looking for and sometimes it can confuse us. Like external noise can kind of sound like data, but it's not. Even if that external noise is celebratory and it's like praising you, like you don't want to bring in those praises and start to embellish on them and give them value more than they are, because at the end of the day, even if people are proud of you, you still have a goal in mind. And, yeah, I appreciate that praise, I appreciate I feel celebrated. Thank you for that. But I still have a mission. You know, I still have a purpose. I haven't impacted the people that I want to impact yet, so I appreciate it. And then also the same thing with the negative noise. You know, I realize that I haven't done X, y, z yet, but this is still my mission. I haven't done that yet because this is the mission has got that. God is telling me to move on right now.

Speaker 1: 24:52

So I think us learning and having that muscle of drowning out all external noise and realizing that the internal noise is our divine noise. It is certain cases I will say we'll know exactly when God is using other people to get through to us, because when they say something, it triggers your inner voice again. You know, it's not necessarily like noise. You're not only receiving you know this download but you're receiving something. And now you're also giving something in exchange. That's when you know that it's coming from God. But if it's just like you, just like overwhelmed by that, that you know that it's coming from God, but if it's just like, ah, you just like overwhelmed by that, that's not, that's not coming from God.

Speaker 2: 25:23

You explain that so well. You really did, because there's so many times you'll hear that noise and I'm heavy on God could talk to me. He doesn't need to send somebody to talk to me. Well, at the same token, there are times where people come to me with things and it'd be very much a reflection of what I'm going through.

Speaker 1: 25:39

And it's like God. Why did you?

Speaker 2: 25:40

send them to me. I don't know how to fix this, but it's also awareness for you to come out of where you are Like don't stay there, like you don't belong there, and I think within that space it makes you recognize like when you are comfortable, because, to your point, sometimes people perceive you as being further along on the journey, but you know what he called you to, so you're nowhere near the destination that he has you going, and so you have to be able to understand when you're not moving at the speed you're supposed to be moving, because why is he sending people that look at you to guide them in this certain area if it's not expected and already in his will for you to be that person?

Speaker 2: 26:18

And so it's interesting to your point because it moves something within you and you're like all right, god, I see what you're doing.

Speaker 1: 26:24

Yeah, god, god is going to. God is going to talk to you regardless. He's going to use people, he's going to use situations, he's going to use things, whatever he can use around him. You know, because sometimes we hard hit it when we're not looking within ourselves. There's no other way really for him to talk to us. So he has to start getting creative and sometimes God and God and the devil have a very interesting relationship and sometimes I feel like, because he's still got a hold on the devil too and he'll even use the devil to teach you a lesson, to bring you back to him.

Speaker 2: 26:55

Yeah, yeah. What has been the strangest thing in terms of, like being able to have that awareness and whether you should be doing a thing, like a situation or a time where you thought maybe you had discernment and God sent you someone, something or whatever the case may be to do, and then it was very clear that you shouldn't be doing that thing shouldn't be doing that thing.

Speaker 1: 27:24

Um, weddings, perfect example. I told myself after the third time, finally, that I'm not doing another wedding. Um, because the pool is too drastic. I had multiple situations where, um, I did a wedding and my hard drive failed out of nowhere, like just the whole memory card was a dud. Another time that, after I captured the, I went to a wedding. I forgot the memory cards. Like I had no memory card, I had to go buy a memory card from the photographer after realizing there was no place that I could buy memory cards remotely close to the shooting area. And after I was done that that shoot, guess what happened? That memory card failed because it was coming from a can. I don't want to get technical, but it's two different compact uh computers so they you know it was down to, you know malfunction.

Speaker 1: 28:14

And so I looked at this reflection as I'm getting ready to have this call with the bride to tell her like, hey, yeah, got a great video for you, but the bad news is I didn't get the video of you walking down the aisle.

Speaker 1: 28:25

I didn't get the video of your of the groom dancing with the mom like key moments Right and having that conversation with her. That was a moment that God was also talking to me, like this not what you're supposed to be doing, right, like it's great that you want to help people any way you can, but you're also here to niche down. That's the. That's really the reason why we niche down is because it keeps us centered and keep us focused on the path we're supposed to be going on, because it's a lot of different ways to skin a cat, meaning you can be doing, you can be walking this path that God has you on a thousand different ways, but it's one way that is going to give you the least resistance, and so that's why we have to niche down, so that we have the least resistance possible, because the least resistance, the less stress you can bring on for yourself.

Speaker 2: 29:13

Yeah, but how do you know the difference between whether or not and I say difference but discern whether or not you're giving up too quickly or if it's just not for you? And the reason I asked that question? Because a lot of people struggle with that right. I've had situations where I was supposed to do a thing and I could feel it strongly in my spirit that I should not do it. But at some point I thought I should and so I'm committed to it. But you feel it clear that you shouldn't and as a result of being willing to keep moving forward, I have a whole headache, not a normal headache, just a headache like girl. I told you not to do this. I don't care what you originally thought, but you're not supposed to do this thing.

Speaker 2: 29:50

So you've been directed to do weddings. You're doing it. Clearly you're doing great at it because you're getting booked. And now these instances are happening and at some point you have to determine that it's a trend to recognize that, hey, this is bigger than me, just forgetting it. Like, how did you discern that I'm not giving up? This is really what God is telling me not to do? Because I feel like that's where people get stuck. It's like it's one thing to pivot and it's fine to do it, and it's another thing to give up. So how do you differentiate when you're leaving it Cause it's no longer for you versus you're fearful of making it happen to get to the next level?

Speaker 1: 30:26

Right and I feel like. So I'm gonna say this you have to give up. And I'm saying it because we have to relinquish the power of words Like we yes, words have power, but we have to relinquish the power it words like we yes, words have power, but we have to relinquish the power it has on us because, at the end of the day, whether you want to say you gave up or you, you're pivoting. It is what it is and it's okay because we just have to realize we're not supposed to be doing it. And for me, that discernment came with the amount of restraint and and and and like when it gets so hard, and like it shouldn't be this hard, because I noticed when things, when you have a failure and you can learn from that failure, versus something that is happening to you on ongoing and you can't do anything to to stop it.

Speaker 2: 31:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:17

Like, if I failed in videography for something, like for the podcast, I messed up in something, I can create a system to avoid me messing up that way again with the weddings. It was like, okay, I'll create a system to avoid me messing up again, but then it will happen in a whole different way and you'll start getting these, these feelings, and you start entering that, that flight versus flight phase again. And then just the conversations again. We just have to be cognizant of the conversations we're having, because when God is talking to us, he's really talking to us.

Speaker 1: 31:49

and the conversation that I was having with the bride when you got to break that news also you got to do good business because I could have been that person to like, not say anything, deliver her a bad product and then block her you know yeah that's not me, that's not be being the person that god called me to be yeah gotta have the tough conversations, because in those tough conversations is when it's revealed to you whether to pivot or, if this was just a lesson, to keep going like you learn something. Still do the weddings, but hey, this is what we need to do differently. That conversation made it clear to me like no, that's not what you're supposed to be doing.

Speaker 2: 32:25

Yeah, it sounds like you still had to be a finisher so that you can actually get the downloads and get the clarity in terms of you still got to finish.

Speaker 1: 32:33

Yeah, you don't just. You don't just shut down and ball up into a corner. You are, you're intentionally, you're actively thinking about what's going to happen next. Okay, like, ok, this is what I got to do. Next, I got to give this lady this product. I got to have this call with her. It's going to be a tough call, but I got to have it because, at the end of the day, my brand is on the line For sure.

Speaker 1: 32:54

You know. So you got to be a finisher. You don't just tuck your tail and turn the other way.

Speaker 2: 32:58

Yeah, absolutely. Something else that came up is that when it's hard in flesh and hard in spirit, there are two different things. When it's hard in spirit, you know it's not for you. When it's hard in flesh, that's neither here or there, and so I think for me, on my journey, I've recognized that when it's hard in real life and other people are looking at you like how are you just pushing through this, but it's peaceful in spirit, and when it's not peaceful in spirit, that's when you know that maybe it's not for you.

Speaker 1: 33:30

Exactly, that's a. That's exactly because the spirit is that energy, that that that keeps you moving, that keeps that flesh, is the battery that keeps that flesh moving. So things can be hard for the flesh. We were meant. You know that's what the flesh was meant for. It's a shell. It's supposed to protect our energy, you know. So we'll take on a lot of that physical stress. But that spiritual stress we're not meant to take that on, especially not for too long, like heartbreak and all that stuff. Like we're meant to heal, heal, deal with that, address it and move on as soon as possible. Because that spiritual stress is, is, we're not meant for that.

Speaker 2: 34:06

Yeah, okay, this was such a great conversation. Where can the listeners find you online?

Speaker 1: 34:11

oh, they can find me. I am pretty googleable, so, kai saunders, you type in my name, you can find me. My instagram handle is kaispeaks. That's q-u-i-yspeaks. Um, currently have a few projects. Uh, we're working on a few documentaries. Super excited about the documentary highlighting, uh, one of my uh favorite coffee brands cafe. We will be highlighting their journey, uh, to how they, you know, got started in business, to where they are now. Uh, in the huge campaign with the mount vernon school. As a creative director for a documentary for their campaign, let's's Do this to benefit their athletic campaign. So you can find all that on my website at kaispeakscom, and then also just search my name and love to have a chat with anybody who's interested.

Speaker 2: 34:55

Yeah, awesome. If you can have any superpower, what would that superpower be?

Speaker 1: 35:00

If I could have any superpower, the superpower would be to look at a person and know their fears.

Speaker 2: 35:09

What would you do with that?

Speaker 1: 35:10

I would know how to speak to them, based on their fears, and give them the power and the comfort to move past that fear.

Speaker 2: 35:18

I'm going to ask you one last question. We all face setbacks. What do you do to stay true to yourself during moments when it feels like everything is falling apart?

Speaker 1: 35:29

I go right into writing. I write poems, I write, I just journal. I think writing is a good exercise because when you put pen to paper you're putting your thoughts and you're setting your intentions. Um, and fun fact, I got the name. Kai speaks is my stage name because of the poetry. I used to do a lot of spoken word in Miami and one of the guys said man, that boy's been called him Kai speaks. I just introduced myself as Kai and he gave me that name and that has stuck because I really do believe in the power of the tongue. And so when I talked earlier about, you know, not giving words power over you, you own that power and you use that power to deliver with the words that you create and set those intentions for yourself. And the best way to set that intention is by taking those words and putting them to a page and really spelling out your life and manifesting the life that you want to create for yourself.

Speaker 2: 36:29

Nice. It's funny. When I was looking you up I saw that he was from Philadelphia, pennsylvania. I was like, when Kai comes on, we're going to sing. Now this is a story.

Speaker 1: 36:38

Yeah, the Fresh Prince man, I get that all the time and it's so crazy. Right and not to go down that rabbit hole because I love my city. My city has made me a part of who I am, a very um, small part of who I am, but at to the same extent. You know, I had to get out of that environment and this is to the people who are feeling like they're stuck in an environment and we wear these environments on our sleeve like we die hard. I got Philadelphia tatted on my chest because of how much of a die.

Speaker 1: 37:13

And now, if you ask me, at 15, 16, 17, 18 years old, I would have never left Philadelphia. But at 22, I left that city and I never turned back because I realized that also our environments keep us in that stage of flight and flight versus fight and that's not a healthy phase to be in, ongoing because you're giving us, you put yourself in a constant, constant stage of stress, and I just hope that my family can get out of that. I just hope that my loved ones can get out of that environment and George is always going to be home for anyone that I'm close to and love to come on down here with me.

Speaker 2: 37:49

I've lived in so many different cities. I lived in North Carolina for three years, I told you, vegas for five years. I lived in Tampa for three years and lots of other cities like Pensacola, tallahassee, everywhere else in between Orlando, and for me it's important to live in different places because I want to see how I can grow anywhere and being able to come into a new city and thrive.

Speaker 2: 38:11

it really fuels me from the perspective of I can go anywhere and survive. And those are things that I try to instill in my children too, because so many times we're stuck to where we grew up and we feel like we can't evolve in that space. Then we're limited to thinking that because we can't evolve in that space, then we're limited to thinking that because we can't evolve in where we're used to, we can't do it anywhere else.

Speaker 2: 38:30

And it's so important that people realize that it doesn't matter where you go. If something is within you, you're able to birth it and God will provide the people, the resources, the things. You just got to believe. And if you're in an environment to where you don't believe you to your point, you got to get out of it.

Speaker 1: 38:46

Exactly the military. Kids to me have always been the most dynamic growing up because they just had experiences from all the different cities and countries that they lived in and when I was younger it was definitely something I was. So embrace that Because if you just think about it in that environment you're looking at the same people You're, you're getting the same habits and everything trickles down. It's like the. It's like a colony of ants. The colony of ants is going to behave like the colony and when you're in an environment they behave the same and when you move to a different environment they behave a different way and sometimes that's good or bad. You know, we just got to figure out what's going to be the environment for us to be able to thrive and sometimes it looks like being intentional staying here for five years.

Speaker 1: 39:33

Sometimes it may look like uprooting your family and like this is going to be the new place and staying here for the rest of our lives. I don't intend to be in Georgia for the rest of my life. My next time that I plan on moving will be out the country, you know, hopefully somewhere in Africa and just getting grounded, you know, with my roots there. But definitely I encourage anyone, especially at the age of 18 to 22,. Move away from home and move out of the city to give yourself that. That's why college is such a good opportunity as well, to just put yourself in a different environment I love that, just like.

Speaker 2: 40:07

Put yourself out there, bet on yourself at every stage of your life, but especially early on, because once you start building up that fear, it becomes a little harder to do it. But know that you could do it at any time, I love it. You gotta sing the song with me, though I'll sing the song with you All, right. You got to start, all right.

Speaker 1: 40:24

Dun, dun, dun dun dun In West Philadelphia born and raised In the playground where I spend most of my days Chilling out, maxing, relaxing, all cool. I'm shooting some people all outside of school. Couple of guys said we're up to no good. Started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got one little fight. My mom got scared, said you scared, what's your idea? I'm getting better. I was before I can. When it came near the license plate said fresh in the dice in the mirror Philadelphia through and through. Like I said I love my city. But you know you just got to do what you got to do.

Speaker 2: 40:53

Yeah, absolutely Okay. It was so nice having you in the podcast listeners. Make sure you go and you follow Kai one more time.

Speaker 1: 40:59

Where can Make sure y'all tap in with me at Kai Speaks on Instagram KaiSpeakscom and then Kai Saunders on Google, If you're just trying to find out where I'm plugged in and what I have going on.

Speaker 2: 41:10

Awesome. Thanks again. So much for being on the podcast.

Speaker 1: 41:12

Thanks for having me.

Speaker 2: 41:13

Dropping all the gems, the transparency. I hope that you're taking all the nuggets, all the gems away from this conversation and you're taking it to bet on yourself and realize that, just like Kai, just like our other guests, you can do it too. You were chosen to, so go all out, bet on yourself and make it happen for you. We are rooting for you.