91. Removing the Guard, Trusting Yourself, Letting Go & Finding True Clarity to Live Your Best Life

Have you ever worn “armor” to protect yourself from not feeling enough, only to realize it’s holding you back from truly living? In this heartfelt conversation, Hazel Brown sits down with certified life coach Lorraine Lindsey to uncover what it means to surrender, trust yourself, and finally step into your true calling.

Lorraine vulnerably shares her journey from casino executive and EMT to life coach, revealing how external success left her unfulfilled until she embraced the unknown. She reminds us that clarity isn’t about knowing every step — it’s about listening to what resonates right now.

✨ In This Episode:

• Why the “armor” we wear often blocks growth and authenticity
• The difference between imposter syndrome and simply being new
• How to make decisions faster and stop wasting years in hesitation
• Why your values evolve in every season of life
• How surrender creates space for what’s truly meant for you

This episode is for anyone navigating career shifts, life transitions, or the quiet question: “Is this all there is?” Get ready to shed the armor and embrace your next level of growth.

🔗 Follow the podcast and join us at the upcoming Called for More Empowerment & Wellness Summit on October 11th in Las Vegas.

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast
Welcome to the Fit, Healthy and Happy Podcast hosted by Josh and Kyle from Colossus...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Chapters

• 12:26 [Ad] Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast
• 13:09 (Cont.) 91. Removing the Guard, Trusting Yourself, Letting Go & Finding True Clarity to Live Your Best Life

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

your suits of armor. What make you strong are just that it's like these. It's this armor that's protecting you from the things that feel like you're not enough, or that you don't belong and or that you're alone. And so you create, like for me, those three problems in my life that everybody has. By the way, I protected those things with independence or, you know, certain types of careers. That was going to make me feel superior in some way, and, when, really the truth was, I wasn't feeling like I was enough. But what I do understand, though, is that, like Maya Angelou says it, that when you teach, you also learn.

Speaker 2: 0:42

Welcome to. It's the Human Experience Podcast Hosted by Hazel Brown, a healthcare leader, wife, mom and career coach. If you're big on authenticity, personal development, perseverance and empowered as you become fearless in pursuit of the life you desire and deserve, go ahead and subscribe. You don't want to miss out on these transparent stories and discussions that reveal highs, lows, aha moments and nuggets that'll help you to grow and glow.

Speaker 3: 1:23

Hey, hey, hey. You are now tuned in to the it's the Human Experience podcast. I'm your host, hazel Brown. Today, I have Lorraine Lindsey with me. We are going to be talking all the things highs, lows, wins, self-reflection and just realizing that you are enough, because we want to make sure that you know that you are enough. Lorraine, welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:43

Thank you, Hazel. So good to see you again, my dear.

Speaker 3: 1:46

Always a pleasure Listen. From Vegas to Atlanta, let's go. You know, because of you I keep coming back. Yes, I love it, I love it. So I want to definitely start off by you just kind of introducing yourself.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Who is Lorraine? That's a great question. It's funny you asked that question because I feel like, as part of my coaching, is one of the first questions I ask people because we're so tied to identity construct. But for the sake of this show, I am a certified life coach. I've been certified for over 10 years now I'm actually probably 11 years. I have certifications through Tony Robbins organization for peak performance coaching. I've done NLP, I've done hypnotic certification coaching, a lot of different little modalities, but yeah, I have been doing it for 11 years. I have a background in sales and marketing. I was a big executive for casinos. I had the golden handcuffs. That was my identity construct for a long time. And then I decided a few years ago to burn the bridges and really emphasize and focus on my coaching business. But yeah, I was also a medic in Las Vegas, so I had a lot of crazy adventures and stories as an EMT. You know I've worn a lot of hats in my life, but this is a coach hat is my most pride possession at this moment.

Speaker 3: 3:05

Awesome, I love that. I love that being fluid on your journey and recognizing that it's one okay to pivot.

Speaker 1: 3:11

Yes.

Speaker 3: 3:12

Two all those tools really help you to really have a good reflection and understanding of life. It's funny I was just having this conversation with my kids. My son plays several different instruments. He plays the tuba. He's trying to play the drums now he plays something that looks like a guitar, but it's huge. And then he also plays like a sousaphone, and so the oh, he's got some unique instruments too.

Speaker 1: 3:32

I love it.

Speaker 3: 3:36

They're all big because, according to, him.

Speaker 1: 3:37

He can't lose them, he's smart. He's not off, right.

Speaker 3: 3:40

Outside of that, I feel like it's so important. Sometimes we get into a space like you're a medic, you're a coach, you do a podcast. Sometimes we try to hold our identity to one thing and we don't realize that it's so important to build muscle in multiple areas so that not only can you see what you like, but also you can realize that you could do anything.

Speaker 1: 4:04

Absolutely. I feel like you can do anything that's in you. I don't think that something would be planted inside of you that pulls at you if it wasn't something that wasn't attainable. Because, like, for example, I don't have an engineer's mind, right I never had this desire, this thing inside of me that wanted to engineer something. But there was always this thing inside of me that wanted to help people in some capacity. And along that journey of that knowing it was always kind of seeking it out, thinking this was going to be it and then that wouldn't work out, and then pivoting but being true to the essence.

Speaker 1: 4:35

And so, going back to when you say, well, who are you, tell me about you? That's one of the things I think in life that we lose sometimes is well, who are we truly, truly at the core of our being? What is that seed and how does that seed manifest itself? And it doesn't always have to be something literal. And I think when I was younger I knew I had this desire to want to help people in some capacity, but I took it literally and that's why I took the route of medicine initially, thinking that was the way I was supposed to do it, and then it just wasn't working out for some reason. I mean, I was really skilled and knowledgeable and I love the information, I love to learn medicine, but when it came to me stepping into that world and going to school for it, it was just like one thing after another was making it fall apart and saying, but why do I still have this thing in me? And it's not working out.

Speaker 3: 5:29

Yeah, how did you learn to let go? And the reason I ask this question is I had this conversation recently with someone who was on the podcast but, I feel like when it's hard in flesh but it's easy in spirit, you know whether it's for you or not. So, sometimes you can be on a journey and you're doing the thing to your point. I'm a paramedic. I'm really good at it. But, it's not working out. It's not working out from a flesh perspective and in a spirit perspective. You know that all those things mattered.

Speaker 1: 5:56

How do you make the decision to let go and move on Sometimes, at least for me in my experience it's not a matter of me letting it go by choice. Sometimes it will go on its own and with school, like, for example, me being an EMT and doing that route. I went to school to be a nurse practitioner and while I was in school there was a lot of circumstances that kind of forced me out of the school and I could have went back. But at some point I was like what is it about my life that I'm missing? Because I'm almost positive that this is what I should be doing. I was so laser focused on it being that hat.

Speaker 3: 6:40

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:41

And at some point I had to surrender and and kind of take a pause and say what is it that? What is the thing inside of me that's pulling me and what am I missing, you know, and not getting this clear answer, praying about, asking God it wasn't like God was going to came to me with this voice and said this is what it is. It doesn't reveal itself that way, but I think when I surrendered and not intentionally, at some point I just kind of had to lean into it's not working out through this avenue. And when I kind of leaned into that and just kind of let it go, an ironic thing happened where there was a woman in my other work and she had this teacher essence about her. She was always teaching people something. And I said to her we're in this corporate job, why are you not a teacher? And her answer was well, I was and I hated it. And she said to me just because there's a gift inside of you, it doesn't mean you have to do the job, quite literally.

Speaker 1: 7:55

And in that moment it was clear to me like, oh, she just gave me the answer, god. Oh, she just gave me the answer, god. You know, she was a conduit to the answer when I surrendered, and that's when I said, okay, what is the seed here, what is this thing that is pulling in my life and how can I channel that in other ways? And at the time I didn't know what a life coach was or any of that stuff. I had never heard that word. It wasn't as popular as it is today, and so I just started looking up things online like what are things that I could do that would serve this call in my life? And that word popped up, and so that's when I started following those breadcrumbs, if you will, yeah.

Speaker 3: 8:40

I love that, like allowing it to lead you to where you're supposed to be Right, right. Yeah, I love that, like allowing it to lead you to where you're supposed to be, right, right. Yeah, I wanted to ask that because I feel like it's so hard sometimes. I know, like me myself, I have a 20 year career in healthcare management and, to your point, I had to recognize like, actually you need everything that you develop.

Speaker 3: 8:57

I'm taking you to another level, and those skills were necessary. And, to your point, sometimes we're so literal and thinking that this is what I'm supposed to do, but that awareness and that know-how for everything that's to come is necessary. Like you need those tools in your toolkit.

Speaker 1: 9:12

You have to be sometimes forced out from a thing and in the moment when it's happening you don't understand why it's not clear, especially when you're like I've done this for so long, I've worked this hard at this thing, I've studied, I've got the skill set, I'm finally comfortable here. When you're forced out, it's like it's painful at first. Do you know what I mean? It just like why, yeah. But then when you reflect and you just trust the process and it takes time, you know I will not sugarcoat with people and act like when you are forced out of a thing that you thought was supposed to be whether it's a relationship, whether it's a career pathway the list can go a friendship. Sometimes you've got to trust why it's coming to an end and trust that that season in your life was necessary. But what you take away from it is invaluable.

Speaker 3: 10:22

Yeah, you know. Yeah, that awareness and clarity that we talk about is like, oh, like, this is what you were doing the whole time. Why didn't you tell me Right?

Speaker 1: 10:33

Yeah, yeah, because it starts to unfold and make sense. And I'll tell you what when you're forced out of the thing because sometimes you can't see the force from the trees right we have so many blind spots and we just get into a flow and we get comfortable. And I think that when you're finally in that sweet spot, there is a lot of movement that starts to happen good, bad and indifferent, you know. And the thing is that I want to say and emphasize is that that thing that's called in your life will also be the thorn in your side. And just because there's this big call, or even a little call, it doesn't come with a cushion. It never feels comfortable.

Speaker 1: 11:16

And to me, what I'm learning to do is to lean into that and say, okay, that means I'm on track, because it's not going away. Right, it's like thinking about planting a seed and what it takes for that seed to grow and to manifest itself and to become a sprout, and then a plant, and then a tree, and a tree that may have fruit in an orchard. There is a lot of work that has to be done in order for it to really flourish to what it's supposed to be, and I'm learning to lean into that more, as this call in my life just won't stop, yeah, yeah absolutely, because it's like we all want the orchard, we all want it to be just all of the fruits that we've been able to harvest.

Speaker 3: 11:57

We want to be able to pick them, we want to be able to make it happen, but we have to put in the work to be able to get that. So I love that awareness in terms of being still in every stage. I'm always saying the saying around we can't pull over in areas on the spiral upward or downward that we know we're not comfortable with staying in. So, though it feels hard, like in that moment, to say, oh man, it's harder than I expected for it to be.

Speaker 3: 12:21

What am I supposed to be learning from this? We have to sit in it and know that it's all happening for us.

Speaker 1: 12:56

Yeah, and really trusting yourself, and I think that that was something that took me a long time to to really really do, because I was really good I say this all the time I got really good at being successful in a mediocre way, so I was able to get the big job and have the sexy career and portray this very fulfilling life, but there was always a void, there was always a sense of emptiness and there was a burnout.

Speaker 3: 13:49

There was always a sense of emptiness and there was a burnout but not knowing how to let it all go and knowing that I needed to, because I wasn't trusting myself to say you got this, you'll be fine and don't worry about what people think, absolutely that letting go of societal expectation and just trusting your own path, regardless if it's messy, regardless if it doesn't look like we thought it would.

Speaker 1: 13:59

Right.

Speaker 3: 13:59

It's like really letting go of control is what it seems like and I've experienced that as well as like you like the societal path because it's full control. You know what to do, you know where to turn. You may get a bump here and there, but overall it's very straightforward.

Speaker 1: 14:14

Right.

Speaker 3: 14:14

Well, when you're going after your goals and you're following the calling, it is blurry, but at the same time it becomes so clear.

Speaker 1: 14:21

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 14:22

And the impact and fulfillment that you have from what you do is like untapped, untouched.

Speaker 1: 14:38

You can't even compare it, like for people who are listening and it's even something that I am dealing with now is clarity is your power number one, right? But clarity doesn't necessarily give you the steps of what to do next, and I think that we confuse that a little bit. Like I'm clear on this thing that's inside of me, I'm not always necessarily clear on how I'm going to get to where it's supposed to go, because what I've learned is that what I think it's going to be sometimes is different than what it actually is, other than the clarity on knowing that there is this pull. And so when I referenced trusting myself, it's like, okay, I'm clear on this. How do I unpack that to get a little bit more clear? So I know at least what the first step is that I need to take and when to pivot.

Speaker 1: 15:27

Because one of the things also that I learned is that when I thought I was clear, I was going in a direction and not pivoting when I needed to pivot or not letting go when I needed to let go, because I really truly wasn't as clear as I thought that I was, and so it was important for me to check back in sometimes and say, okay, am I sure?

Speaker 1: 15:47

Am I really really clear? Is this really the way in which I'm supposed to take this path? And I'll reference this because when I first started my coaching, that need and want and that desire to help and heal people was really from a wounded space. Right, it was really because of my desire to help and heal myself, and so initially I was clear that that's what I wanted to do. The pathway I took was helping people with the same problems that I had. What I found later was that it tethered me to those wounds and I was staying in this like bondage, because I was connecting myself with people and their story and I wasn't understanding why I was getting compassion fatigue, why I was feeling burnt out with the conversations, why I became insensitive just in my personal life with people, and I really had to check in and say what is this truth about me wanting to help and heal and what is that truth as it pertains to me and why am I carrying it this way?

Speaker 3: 16:50

Right.

Speaker 1: 16:51

If that makes sense.

Speaker 3: 16:52

That does make sense. I think sometimes we're trying to help different versions of ourselves. Right, if that makes sense. That does make sense. I think sometimes we're trying to help different versions of ourselves.

Speaker 1: 16:57

Yes.

Speaker 1: 16:58

And then we recognize that we have to heal from that first and almost creating a codependency with that Right Right, I've learned that your suits of armor will make you strong, are just that.

Speaker 1: 17:08

It's like these. It's this armor that's protecting you from the things that feel like you're not enough or that you don't belong and, um, or that you're alone, and so you create, like for me, those three problems in my life that everybody has. By the way, I protected those things with independence or, uh, you know, certain types of careers that was going to make me or feel superior in some way, and when, really, the truth was, I wasn't feeling like I was enough. But what I do understand, though, is that, like Maya Angelou says it, that when you teach, you also learn, but I think you have to be in a space where, again going back to the clarity, where you're really clear and knowing when it's served its point and it's time to pivot. And so, even with coaching, for me, what I started out coaching and who I would coach in the beginning, is not the kind of clientele that I take on now, and I had to get clarity in that too.

Speaker 3: 18:14

Yeah, now, and I had to get clarity in that too. Yeah, because if you're going to start messy and you're going to not wait till things are perfect, you're going to have to iron that out so you're going to initially take on whoever that makes sense to you at the time and you'll start to learn. Well, actually, when I work with these people, it feels hard for me and the results don't happen in the way that I want them to happen for them. So when.

Speaker 3: 18:34

I work with these set of people. They get it, they're ready to put in the work, and so you start to understand sometimes that when you're called to something, in order for you to help the people that are a part of your assignment. They need to be ready for what you have, and then there's other people for them. I think I had to recognize, like you're not letting go this upset of people, but they're not ready for what you're doing, and so yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:57

And I've let that go too right, because I used to be very obsessed with outcome and I used to get and that was part of where my compassion fatigue was coming from Because I could sit with somebody and we would have these coaching sessions one-on-one, and it was very evident what the problems were. And I know that I can't, as a coach, tell you this is your problem. I need to get them to extract that out of themselves, right? But what I found was I was often just a sounding board. I was being paid to be a sounding board and I would get frustrated because I really wanted their outcome. I really wanted that for them so much. What I've learned is to let that go. I know that I have the tools that they need and it's ultimately up to them whether or not they're going to utilize those tools, which is also a reason why I've become more selective on who I'm going to have one-on-ones with versus one-to-many.

Speaker 1: 19:55

And and and not obsessing myself with outcome, because I can't control that. Do you know what I mean? Another thing that I've learned and again for listeners out there is you don't have to perfect your life to do the thing that you're called to do. For sure you don't have to have already been there. It's not about getting to the destination, it's just being responsible to your life, to how you're called to serve, and know that it's greater than yourself. So, even if it's messy in the beginning or you don't have it all figured out for yourself again, if you're out there teaching, if you're out there helping, it's also going to be healing, even when you're not, when you don't think you're ready. And that's not the whole imposter syndrome thing that I used to struggle with and still do. As I pivot, I start to feel like an imposter all over again and then I'm like I have to just dance with this thing. You can't get rid of it, I just got to dance with it.

Speaker 3: 20:52

Yeah, I always look at like the term imposter syndrome. That it's not really imposter syndrome. It's just that you're in an area you're not comfortable in. Yet You're not familiar with that area. You have all the tools you need for it, but because it's new to you, you're like, oh, I don't have everything that I need, I don't know all the things. And then to your point, like within that, you just have to trust that.

Speaker 1: 21:11

yes, I might not know everything like within this area that I'm moving into, but I'm equipped because I'm aligned and I wouldn't be called here if I wasn't ready to be here, right, and you know what One of the things this is funny, because for me, with my imposter syndrome, it's always when I get in the room where I feel small. And so one of the habits that I had that I had to break was I started staying comfortable where I would be in circles, where I was kind of like the top dog in the circle and I didn't want to be in those spaces to be superior to everybody or feel like I was better than I just felt comfortable and I was very intimidated by stepping into a new room where people were brighter, smarter, more educated or what have you. I had to again trust myself and allow myself that if I'm going to grow, I've got to move into spaces that make me uncomfortable and that made me feel like an imposter, where now I'm going to go in a room as a coach, right when there might be PhDs in this room or psychologists that are licensed and blah, blah blah, or that are making a ton blah blah or that are making a ton more money than I'm making, and who am I to be able to say to them I'm a coach? And I even had a problem that I would get a complex about, even when people would say what do you do? I didn't even want to tell them when I stepped into those new rooms. But then what I had to learn to do was just be me, my authentic self.

Speaker 1: 22:43

And I know that there is a gift that I have when it comes to people. And instead of me walking in the room with all these identity constructs and having to say this and all of the things that people feel they're obliged to say when they go into new rooms and meet new people, I was like just build rapport, lorraine, just have conversations, because it's going to organically happen, because that that's. That's your magnet, how magnetic you are. People are going to naturally come to you because that's your gift. And, surprisingly, when I got into those rooms and I'm listening to their achievements and their goals and all these great things that they're doing monetarily wise, the next thing know, they're talking to me about problems in their lives that have nothing to do with the money they've made, how they're struggling as high achievers, how they feel like imposters, and then I realize every new room that I get into, we're all still the same.

Speaker 3: 23:37

All of us are still the same. Yeah, because we're all learning something new, right?

Speaker 1: 23:42

And everybody can get something from you, no matter who. You are Right, you know.

Speaker 3: 23:47

Because it's like you're in your own lane Right. You're here for your own reason and as you navigate the different paths, you're going to end up with the same type of situations that you felt before, and I think that's the hard part in life too. As we get older, you think that at some point it's going to stop and it's like, oh my goodness, if you're not learning and you're not you're then you're not growing.

Speaker 1: 24:07

Right.

Speaker 3: 24:07

And so because you're growing and you're constantly a student, you're constantly in those waves like, just like our thumbprint is the only.

Speaker 1: 24:25

This is the only one. There will never, ever be another me. You can clone my genetics or what have you. But my life experiences, the way I thought, the way I viewed things, the relationships, everything that is compiled to make me this person, that will never be duplicated and that speaks for everybody in the room. And so when I think about that, and again to the listeners out there, when there's something in you, know that it is in you and it's so unique and so special that there is something that anybody can gain from you. And I think sometimes we think, when we are too busy comparing ourselves to other people, that we think we have to do this and do this and do that. It's like no, your uniqueness, your life experience. There is hundreds and thousands of people that could gain something from you, even if it's just one person's life that you're impacting. You have that ability just because you're that unique, if that makes sense.

Speaker 3: 25:28

It does. What would you tell like the younger version of Lorraine, If you can talk to your 21 year old self? What would you tell her.

Speaker 1: 25:37

Make decisions quicker and stick with them. Make decisions quicker and stick with them.

Speaker 1: 25:46

So trust your gut. Gut, I would say. I don't know like, how do I feel about that? Because as a 21-year-old I could say this was my gut. Well, maybe. Yes, I just think that in life I stalled too much making decisions I knew I needed to make Because I was afraid of the unknown. But the decision was clear Got it Right, Got it. And I could have saved myself a lot of heartache had I just trusted myself and made the decision, knowing whatever's on the other side of this, I'll be just fine. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 3: 26:23

Yeah, that sounds good. Because I think that to your point of you saying trust myself and I say trust my gut, and then some people say trust the Holy Spirit, it's whatever you call it Right At the end of the day it's truly trusting yourself.

Speaker 1: 26:36

And clarity. Again, I'm going to go back to this clarity. God is not a God of confusion. I remember my mom used to always say that. So when there's an indecision in your mind that will leave you distraught and despondent, when we need to make a decision and we're going back and forth, we already know the decision that needs to be made. We know we just get afraid of making the decision, but we know what the decision is and who was.

Speaker 1: 27:09

I think it's Maya and Golden, or somebody said there's a difference between choosing something and deciding something. The choosing is like this back and forth. I could always go back if I choose, but when you decide, you cut off and it's powerful. I can tell you that when I have finally decided something, it is like the load of weight is taken off of me. Now, does it mean the road ahead doesn't come with trepidation and I don't have things that are happening and I don't think, oh my God, did I make the right decision? Yeah, those things come up, but the decision is the decision and I'm not going back.

Speaker 1: 27:50

I think another thing, too, is that we really need to check in with who we are and our core values as it stands today, and that changes over time and I think we forget to check back in and say what are my core values, what are the five most important things to me in my life right now and what are they in order of priority and what are the principles that tie to that.

Speaker 1: 28:13

And they have to be non-negotiable. And you know, like my 21-year-old self was a young mom, my son's an adult now. If I'm not checking in with what that priority is in my life, my son doesn't come number one for me anymore. He's number one in my heart always, but he's not my priority because he's a grown man. Do you know what I mean? And if I'm not careful, I could still be making that a priority and not letting my son be a man and still feel like I need to pour into him and do things from him and not cutting off the cord and not doing what the next steps of my life are as an example and I see that a lot- yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 28:51

I think some takeaways for me in hearing what you're saying is not only do you trust yourself faster, but also make sure that in every season, as you stand up a thing and you do a thing and you do a thing and you accomplish a thing and you stretch yourself into the next level, make sure you take some time to look back.

Speaker 1: 29:08

Right.

Speaker 3: 29:09

To see who you are, what you've learned what you want to take with you and make sure that you're not carrying parts of you that are unhealed within that last season, so that you can actually be able to have the tools that you need in your next season.

Speaker 1: 29:22

Right, right I Right.

Speaker 3: 29:23

I love that. What would you say are some of your superpowers in this season of your life?

Speaker 1: 29:29

Hmm, that's a great question. I would say that my superpower now is that I'm I don't feel like I need to apologize as much as I used to. I feel like no is no. I feel like when that situation's done, it's done. I don't need to carry as much guilt or worry too much about what people think, and I think that that has become a superpower for me, because I used to worry about it but pretend like I didn't.

Speaker 1: 30:09

I think another superpower that I have is that I'm very much okay with being alone. I don't feel lonely, but I think solitude is important at times in your life and to be able to sit with self as a superpower, because you gain your clarity there and that's in that silence you get that still small voice to say um, you're okay, it's going to be fine. I know you're scared, I know you're overwhelmed, but we're good. Um, and another superpower that I have is just living my best life as it stands today. So if I want to pack my bags and go on a trip, I'm going to do it and I don't care what people think about it. You know what I mean. Yeah, I think the apology thing is my superpower, most important. I love that.

Speaker 3: 30:59

And it goes right back into trusting yourself. So, the 21 year old, you would be proud that you are trusting yourself, where some people live their whole lives and it's still following societal goals, still not trusting who they were here to be, looking at social media as a guy, and so definitely be proud of yourself today, that Lorraine today is trusting herself and living her life and just being kinder.

Speaker 1: 31:22

I'm not always proud of myself, you know. There are times when I'm questioning everything I'm doing, Like there are times when I just want to just crawl up in a ball and just stay there, you know. But I'm allowing that to be okay. I used to be on this grind and this hustle like my whole life I've been grinding and now it's like stop, You're tired, it's okay. What are you trying to prove here? You got one life to live. I don't overly emphasize the need to be happy either. Does that mean I sit in sadness? No, but I just look for the peace more.

Speaker 3: 32:05

Got it, got it. You know, it sounds like growth. Yeah, it takes a long time to get here.

Speaker 1: 32:12

How do I define growth? Um, for me personally, I feel growth for me is constantly learning, staying curious about life. I feel like growth is for me adventure, like what book can I read, what podcast can I listen to that's going to fill me up and fill my cup, what are the things in my life? And that if I were on my deathbed would I say I regret that I didn't do it. Go do those things. And I think that growth is just when you stop obsessing and just it's all of what you said and then, coupled with looking at how I handle things now, compared to how I handled it before.

Speaker 3: 33:11

I think so many times we don't recognize that us five years ago would have looked at a situation completely different. Oh heck, yeah, yeah. And then we don't recognize that man, we've grown on our personal development journey through our emotional intelligence. Man, we've grown on our personal development journey through our emotional intelligence and as a result of that growth, then we see it in other ways in terms of our careers and our finances and our spiritual wellbeing and our emotional wellness. And so I look at that and I'm like, oh wow, you've really grown.

Speaker 1: 33:40

I can tell you, as you're saying, that one thing that really sticks out is I'm doing a better job of letting people be. You know, like, what are my boundaries in my life, what are healthy boundaries and who are the people in my life? I'm the gatekeeper to my life, um, and letting people be. I've had friendships where we had falling outs, where they were 20 year old friendships or what have you, and I would be so critical of their personal life, for example, and the decisions they were making, and it would cause a riff. Now I'm like, do you? And I'm here and I'm doing a better job at being a sounding board, because before I had an opinion, I had something to say, because it was a helpless feeling to watch people unnecessarily suffer and I always wanted to be their problem solver, and I think growth is letting that go.

Speaker 3: 34:34

Yeah, absolutely. That's definitely something that I've had to work on in terms of like wanting to be that superhero. It's like no, not my friend, you can't go through this and then just realizing like Hazel, just stay in your lane. If they want to come talk to you, let them talk to you, but it's not up to you to it's like we can't intercede.

Speaker 1: 34:53

Right.

Speaker 3: 34:53

Someone else's path, because we're not God. Right so like learning, that people have to learn from their lessons while at the same time, if they come to you for advice. So I always ask people do you want my opinion on this?

Speaker 1: 35:06

Or do you just want to vent? Which one are we doing here? That's literally what I've had to start saying. It's like am I listening? You want me to say something, because I'm a tough love friend, right, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. But what I've also learned is that is it protection that I'm doing, or is it projection?

Speaker 1: 35:23

Yeah, for sure, and sometimes when I'm wanting to save somebody, it's really because I'm trying to save myself, and that is the truth of any time I've been overly critical of somebody else. Because I'll tell you what, when there's one thing to have knowledge and an opinion about something. But experience will wise you up real fast. You'll get wisdom with experience and when you are wise you don't speak as much, you don't need to have as much as an opinion about what someone's doing, because you realize I don't know what I would do if I was in that situation. I don't need to be so critical here. When you zoom out and you're looking at it, it's easy to say do this, do this and that. You zoom out and you're looking at it, it's easy to say do this, do this and that. But when your heart is involved, when you have life experiences that taught you to tolerate things that maybe I wasn't taught to tolerate, you learn grace and mercy. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 36:16

I love that One of my sisters always tell me, like you don't ever give people your opinions, and I'm like because I don't know what I would do.

Speaker 3: 36:24

If they ask me my opinion and it feels strong in my spirit, I'll give it to you. But I don't just readily give advice on things, because you never know and many times you have a situation that you need to handle and you don't know what to do, but, to your point of projection, you're so quick to save someone else when you recognize that no, that's not your place and it's not your place to, to your point, judge. Give them grace.

Speaker 1: 36:46

Yeah, help how you can. You know, I just I'm just honest with them as far as this is my truth. This is how I see it, but and then I just ask them questions because they know the truth within themselves, exactly. They've got the answers, they're just afraid of them sometimes and again it goes circling back to trusting yourself.

Speaker 3: 37:20

Yeah, absolutely. I'm so big on like pushing the outside noise out to your point of stillness, because so many times people go to other people, whether it be a family member, a friend, a coach whoever it is Right. And we get all this different input and now it has, you like, fatigued.

Speaker 3: 37:38

Totally confused sometimes when all the time the internal guide was within you Right, it's just trusting yourself, using people you trust, as well as sounding boards and getting their thought process. But at the end of the day, going back into stillness and reflection and saying, man, what do I know I should have done?

Speaker 1: 37:57

Correct and do it, and that goes to a person who is self-aware and they're willing to be accountable. Because one of the things that I have noticed I've observed I've done it myself is when we choose who we go and tell the story to, we have intention as to who we're picking.

Speaker 3: 38:17

Yes, right, because we want the outcome to be a certain way.

Speaker 1: 38:19

We want to hear what we want to hear. And the thing is, if you want change in your life, if you truly genuinely want to change that relationship, that job, this, you're going to have to hear the truth and be honest with yourself, on your in your participation in your life. And when you're picking people that will coddle you and say what you want to hear, you ain't growing. You will stay exactly where you are, and we have to be mindful of that, because I have done that or I'm going to the people that are going to side with me. They're going to take my side in the situation and now I'm learning.

Speaker 1: 38:54

No, I want the person that's going to be brutally honest Tell me Lorraine, you're acting up, you're out of line.

Speaker 1: 39:00

I want people to be truth tellers to me as they see it, so that way I can properly evaluate my life and be accountable to my life, because I am participating in whatever's happening you know what I mean and learning to get really real and raw with that, without being over accountable either, because sometimes, on the opposite side of that, when we need to make this, we'll go to the person that we'll go to the kind of people that will reinforce the guilt or the shame that we carry, and so it's really saying, at this point in my life, what emotional home resides in, what is the emotional home that I always go to and what is the sources that I'm looking for to confirm that every single time.

Speaker 1: 39:44

And if we don't know what that is, sometimes it becomes a blind spot and we don't understand why our lives are still showing up the way that it is and we're picking and choosing ways to reinforce our secret belief system, and really understanding that is very, very important, and sometimes we don't have the tools and we need to get the tools from somebody, as like a coach or something.

Speaker 3: 40:04

Absolutely. I'm big on get you a therapist, get you a coach.

Speaker 1: 40:08

Get you someone's going to show you your blind spots Right Someone who's not a yes person, like all those things are important, all right, awesome.

Speaker 3: 40:15

So one thing I want to piggyback on in terms of something that you said and I say piggyback, but we're just kind of circling back to it is knowing the distinction between who to go to right. You talked about people who are going to be your yes person that's going to safeguard you in that situation, but there's also people who cannot relate to the journey that you're on.

Speaker 3: 40:36

And so it's important to discern when you actually go to a certain set of people, because I think that everyone thinks they're a truth teller, but they may not be a truth teller for what you need in your journey. So how do you distinguish who to go to in situations like that?

Speaker 1: 40:53

I think it starts with setting intention for yourself and being very selective. And being very selective, I think like, for example, let's say I have a circumstance in my life, right, let's say it's a relationship that's unhealthy, or I'm just not happy in the relationship anymore and I've been feeling that way for a while, but it's tethered to a lot of things and I'm like I just am not clear enough to know if I should leave this situation. I have to first check in with myself and say what's really happening inside that I'm feeling this way. Is it the person? Have I outgrown them? Is it the person? Have I outgrown them? Is it the circumstances? Is it my expectation? What is my participation? Is it something that can really whatever?

Speaker 1: 41:57

And I got to start with me and being very honest with myself as best as I can be first, do you know what I mean? And then just saying, well, what decisions do I have here and what are the things that I'm willing to do to see if this is really how I feel before I go to anybody in my circle. Then the next thing is saying to myself okay, who is a confidant? Not a friend, not an associate, not someone who's going through the same problems, like if I have a plumbing issue I don't need to call the electrician for sure okay, and so that's how we have to really handle the friendships here.

Speaker 1: 42:43

I can't, if I'm having relationship problems, I can't go to the friend that's always in drama in her relationships, because what is that advice going to be? I might have a parent like my mom, let's say, as an example, and she's never been able to hold down a relationship and I'm using this as an example. My mother will have good intentions in her heart to want me to have the most happiest outcome, but her reference point might be a little off Right, and so I'm saying who is a confidant? Though? That isn't going to tell me what to do, but they're going to ask me the kind of questions that will tap into what I already know I need to do, but help it get a little bit clearer. For me, that's perfect, and then sometimes you just got to go all the way out and find whether it's a pastor or a therapist or a counselor, but people who are unbiased, who can really help you sift through your stuff yourself.

Speaker 3: 43:38

Someone that's going to help you hold yourself accountable. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:42

Especially when they're big decisions that we need to make in our lives. I think that to your point. When we're sharing that with too many people, it just mucks it up. It makes it that much more confusing.

Speaker 3: 43:56

Yeah, it does, especially when we we need to be clear.

Speaker 1: 43:59

Right.

Speaker 3: 43:59

When we're called to something. I think for me on the journey that we are all on this personal development journey. It's so important that we realize to your point of like boundaries and recognizing when it's time to pivot and move on, when we're moving on because we don't like it there, as opposed to we're moving on because we're not supposed to be there. And I think that's something that I had to recognize within myself that in many instances I'm like cutoff queen and I'm ready to say forget this no, not working.

Speaker 3: 44:32

And then you recognize that no, I need to learn from this because, regardless of, the decision is still, I'm done with this friendship, I'm done with this career, I'm done with this business, this relationship. Whatever the case may be, if you don't learn what you're supposed to learn and truly heal and learn how to communicate Right I think that's a lot of people's like biggest downfall is simply learning how to communicate and have hard conversations, because we're all human, we all have these feelings and things that are going on within us and I think that, even in terms of like discerning who to go to for what, people get caught up in like feelings of oh well, how come you didn't tell me?

Speaker 2: 45:10

Or how come this?

Speaker 3: 45:13

And we have to make sure that we're intentionally making sure that, hey, it's like not personal, or I'm going through X, y, z and I just want to be still in this moment. And I think that that communication, in terms of making sure that the people that you love understand where you are on the journey, while also making sure that you create boundaries for yourself so that you are doing what you know you're called to do. That is something that we really need to talk more about.

Speaker 1: 45:37

And I also think too, if I can just add to that is listen, we're all innately self-serving, listen, we're all innately self-serving. So usually when things aren't going right in our lives, there's a selfish motive behind that right, especially when it pertains to other people in our lives that we're maybe feeling like we need a boundary from, or somebody we're kind of outgrown or whatever. Again, this is going back and tapping in and saying what point have I stopped accepting this person for who they are? Right, because that's usually when we're ready to kind of bounce from a situation we're no longer accepting of who they are. If I were to tone it down a little bit and say if I met this person where they're at, if I just held space with them and who they are, without any expectation of who they could be for me, but just to hold space with who they are and have this unconditional love for them, could they be in my life, but in a different part of the bullseye. And a friend of mine told me this once when I was kind of struggling with different seasons of my life, because certain people serve you in a season that when that season's over, it doesn't serve any longer. And it's actually it goes both ways. It isn't to me one-sided, but it's like one of the things he said to me is you know, there's the bullseye on a dart. On a bullseye You've got the center and it's very small comparison to all the other ones. Right, and it goes in, sometimes people right in the center with you and sometimes you got to move the dart to a different spot. It doesn't mean they have to be out of your life, but they might not be able to be in hold space in your life in a way that's going to help both of you grow. Hold space in your life in a way that's going to help both of you grow. Right, it isn't like I'm not growing because this person is like we're not growing because we're in this space together.

Speaker 1: 47:30

What's a friendship relationship? Or I'm not growing in this work or this career and just again tapping and saying what is the why here? What is the fear? Am I feeling like these people don't need to be in my life? Or this doesn't mean life because I'm afraid, or is this an act of self-love? And I think when we're more clear on that, then we can make decisions, because sometimes, when our lives are kind of in disarray. We want to remove everything instead of cleaning up our own stuff. Yeah for sure, thinking that's going to solve the problem we get very external about. And I think if we first tap into self and say, okay, let me be honest with self, let me see how I'm participating, and if I were to clean this up, would I actually still have the same perception or the same idea that this needs to go?

Speaker 3: 48:17

Yeah, I love that we talked in a previous episode in how people don't hold in being a good steward of what God has given them and they want new everything. New friend, new this, new that, but have you cleaned up the weeds in the areas of the things that you've already been blessed with? So I love that. I also want to kind of make sure that I shameless plug workplace therapy. So you've been a part of all the workplace therapy events over in Vegas and even in Atlanta.

Speaker 1: 48:46

Yes.

Speaker 3: 48:46

So I would love for you to share with the people like what the experience is like when you come to a workplace therapy event.

Speaker 1: 48:54

First of all, you are the essence of all of it right, because you genuinely just pour in so much of you into it. You're so obedient to your call and that is evident in every one of your events that you do the people that are there, the way you select the kind of people, the thought-provoking conversations that come out of that, the friendships that evolve from it. And it's a good time. We're not just sitting and hearing these conversations. We're laughing, we're dancing, we're singing songs.

Speaker 1: 49:29

Um, and it's always evolving. I feel like it's always a new experience. I never go to one and say, oh, I know what to expect. It's always something innovative and everything that you do and, um, and I admire that about you you know, and you pour into your panel, you pour into your guests. That you do and and I admire that about you you know and you pour into your panel, you pour into your guests that come in. You're just a beacon of light, really, for a lot of people, and I think that anyone who hasn't experienced one of your events definitely needs to check it out.

Speaker 3: 49:59

Yeah, thank you so much, but I mean, that, listen, I'm not a BS-er.

Speaker 1: 50:03

I mean that from the bottom. I mean I flew all the way to Atlanta for your last event because of that, because of who you are, and I wouldn't do that just because you know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 50:14

and I try to change things out, but every time it's on my spirit that I need you to be a part of it.

Speaker 3: 50:26

And that's why I'm always bringing you back like in different capacities because you have so many gifts. So it's like, okay, lorraine can host this time, let her moderate this time, and you do everything so well. So it's like you're that person. I remember at one of my events someone didn't show up and I was in the moment. Like it happened so fast. I was in the moment. I'm like, oh, they're not here and I'm like Lorraine, and I was like what, what do you need?

Speaker 3: 50:48

I'm like who can I trust to just call up here and on her feet? I know she's going to show up and do it well, but that's because it's you Do you understand?

Speaker 1: 50:56

And so, whether you know that you're doing it directly or indirectly, that you hold space and invite people like that into your life, and it just makes it. It's very easy to just do something for you. It really truly is, because I feel it's reciprocated when you had the the news to come on the news with me, come and be on the news, and I'm like you want me to, yeah, girl, you're, you're just, but you're just a give give kind of person, and but you're just a give give kind of person, and so it just makes it easy. Yeah, it's always a pleasure, you know, and I enjoy it.

Speaker 3: 51:30

Yeah, so this one's in October. It's on October 11th. October 10th is World Mental Health Day.

Speaker 1: 51:35

Okay, so intentionally Are you going to do it in Vegas or Atlanta? Okay, you're coming back to Vegas. I love it.

Speaker 3: 51:41

I love it, and so I'll actually have Lisa Marie Lovett. She's from Season Dialogue, have you seen?

Speaker 1: 51:48

that? Yeah, that sounds familiar.

Speaker 3: 51:49

I'll have to show it to you afterwards You'll be like, yeah, I know exactly so big on wellness. We'll have like workshops like the one last March. I want people to leave always with something, and this time my thought process in my mind is transformation. We're closing out the year with transformation.

Speaker 3: 52:04

I love that, and so I always want to evolve and outdo myself and stretch and I always want to make sure that I understand that we're all in a season of growth and in order for us to grow. It can't be the same because we're all growing together and we all have new needs and I have to make sure that I am addressing what those new needs are.

Speaker 1: 52:23

I love it. I mean, you're on top of it for sure. I feel like you really tapped in and you're really listening. It's always thought provoking and I definitely can say for me personally, even even though I've been a speaker or whatever, I walk away with so many nuggets. I walk away feeling very full and very motivated and very inspired.

Speaker 3: 52:42

So yeah, I love that, and I hear that from the attendees, from the speakers, the panelists, everybody. They always say the same thing Like even though I'm this, I got so much from this, so I love that.

Speaker 1: 52:53

And you're consistent. One thing I can say about you, especially in this space that we're in, where we do these networking things and we do these women events and things like that, is, you are so obedient to your call consistently, though. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 53:08

Fully in my obedience.

Speaker 1: 53:09

Yeah, and I want to be like it's contagious. I love it yeah.

Speaker 3: 53:15

Yeah, I love like now, like on social media, especially because I'm out here and I see all the people like doing the things and they've been at the events. I'm like look at everybody taking up space, I'm so here for it and seeing you guys come together to do things it's like so beautiful. And I think what, when we think about people who are listening, is realizing that being obedient, fully surrendering and letting go of control is so important because the people that need you to show up. They then recognize the things they can do.

Speaker 1: 53:44

Awesome, I'm actually writing a book. My book will be out in September. Ooh, it's a little explicit the title, but it is fitting. Ira, my friend Ira here, is in studio. You guys can't see him, but I told him and he's like yes, I love it. Yes, absolutely. You know he's my sounding board, so he's here supporting me today too. So, but yeah, it's um who that? Yes, but um, it's who the f am I, and it's an unfiltered journey of truth and the. The premise of the book is like waking up one day and saying who the f am I and how did I get here? And being really honest with that conversation, you know so.

Speaker 3: 54:27

I love that the first personal development book I read was how to Stop Feeling Like so that just is so in line. I remember I read that book and I would take walks in the morning listening to that book. So whatever we got to do to make sure people recognize yeah, yeah. Get out your way. You're the only person stopping you from becoming a hundred percent. Where can the listeners find?

Speaker 1: 54:47

you online, uh, everywhere. All my handles are the Lorraine Lindsay used to be coach Lorraine Lindsay, but I took that off because I said I don't want to just be the coach anymore. Yeah, I finally took that identity construct away. It was very hard decision, but you can find me at TheLorraineLindsay on every handle YouTube, tiktok, instagram, and then my website is CoachLorraineLindsaycom.

Speaker 3: 55:14

Listen, you guys go, make sure you follow Lorraine. Go to her website, check her out Like she is authentic, she is the truth, and like you're just starting to see the beginning. Like if you thought she was already here. You just are not prepared for where she's going. Well, I appreciate you for that. Ride the wave and go with her, grow with her and make sure that we're all betting on ourselves.

Speaker 1: 55:34

Yes, amen.

Speaker 3: 55:35

Awesome, well, thank you so? Much. You're welcome. Thanks so much for tuning into the it's the Human Experience podcast. If you're not already following the podcast, make sure you go ahead and scroll up to the top and hit follow. If you're listening from YouTube and watching all of the things, make sure you realize that, just like us, you can take up space. You can bet on yourself.

Speaker 2: 55:59

You can make it happen and know that we're rooting for you too, yay, beautiful.